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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24986767">Begin Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/daviswrites/pseuds/daviswrites'>daviswrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Life Is Strange (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Female-Centric, Headcanon, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Near Future, Past Abuse, Reconciliation, Trans Female Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:35:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,957</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24986767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/daviswrites/pseuds/daviswrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of the first game, Victoria and Kate went their separate ways, leading wholly different lives, until their respective careers bring them back into contact.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Victoria Chase/Kate Marsh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I'll Tell You My Sins And You Can Sharpen Your Knife</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Both Kate and Victoria's characterization is heavily headcanon-based. I do not adhere to LIS2 canon regarding Victoria's parents, as per the first game they supposedly lived in Seattle. That's it. Lol. Thanks for reading!</p><p>Oh! This is for my friend, Les, who can be found at @judesowndaughter on tumblr if you want to see a really excellent characterization of Kate! :)</p><p>Fic title as well as chapter titles are references to songs/lyrics from the following playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0iwmHwXrnqIEamP7QGKeQy?si=IKAauS0pSkuLJgHSxxOICw</p><p>If  you like this and would like to help a girl out, pls consider tipping me! my venmo is: DavisB94</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The rain fell so heavily Victoria almost couldn't see through them to Kate, just feet in front of her at the top of the dorms. Victoria screamed, her voice nearly drowned out as she approached. "Wait!" </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Kate wailed, her shoulders shaking with the effort of it, until she turned at the sound of Victoria's voice. Her cries turned to shrieks of rage, but Victoria stayed silent, accepting her punishment. A pale finger jutted out at Victoria, accusation clear as Kate screamed at her. "You! You did this! If it weren't for you, and Courtney, and Taylor, I wouldn't be up here, ready to die!"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"I'm sorry! I never meant for the video to get out! I'm so sorry, Kate, please—"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"No! I don't care. Only one thing can make this right." Kate's expression hardened, more angry and full of hatred than Victoria had ever seen it. Before she could speak or react, Kate grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her close, hissing in her ear. "You have to die with me." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Victoria scarcely processed the words before Kate stepped backward and tipped over the edge, pulling Victoria with her. </em>
</p><hr/><p>She woke with a start and an inhale bracing to become a scream before it died in the realization that it was another nightmare. They were frequent, a constant companion for almost ten years now, always the same idea. Sometimes she got that far, and Kate pulled her over the edge. Sometimes it played out just like in reality, but Max didn't reach Kate, and she jumped. Running a hand across her face, Victoria forced herself to breathe deeply until her heart slowed as her eyes swept over the hotel suite. All white with gold trim, even the furniture, trying so hard to be expensive. Nothing special, but she was here on business, not pleasure. Flying into L.A. a day early had been a good call, as always. Victoria hated the travel part of traveling; stuck in an enclosed space with screaming babies, sweaty, overweight businessmen, and dry airplane air was a special kind of hell only somewhat alleviated by downing as many bottles of first-class wine she could get down during the six-hour flight. By the next morning, she'd showered off the grime of her fellow passengers and slept long enough to outrun jet lag and a nasty wine hangover, the bruises her husband left as a <em>bon voyage</em> of sorts fading to an ugly lavender-green across her ribs.</p><p>The few hours before the photo shoot were a blur of getting ready, checking and re-checking that her camera had been uninjured by the flight, as well as re-reading past exchanges with the client. It was a fairly quick and easy shoot, the client being a publishing agent planning said shoot for some author's debut children's book. A few hours, max, with Victoria flying back to New York tonight. Such was the life of a freelance photographer. Her shoots with Vogue and Vanity Fair has skyrocketed her success, putting her name in the mouths of celebrities for things from engagement shoots to movie promotions. By now, L.A. was something of a second home. But Royce refused to leave New York, insisting her 'hobby' wasn't as important as his work. The thought sours her mood as her uber slows, but she pastes on a thin, professional smile as she slips from the car. </p><p>It's not a bad place for a shoot by any means, a small botanical garden that serves as a refreshing change from the unrelenting chaos of the city. Inside, the rest of the team moves in perfect harmony readying the area. Hearing her name, Victoria's head swivels to watch two women approach. One is tall and thin, with glasses and a business suit, dark hair done up in a bun so tight it gives Victoria a sympathy headache, the other is shorter, somewhat thin, but all warmth with long, dark blonde hair and a sweater appearing to be made of red cotton candy. Something about her is familiar, but Victoria shakes it off as lots of people in L.A. having a certain <em>look</em>. </p><p>The taller of the two outstretches a hand to Victoria, who meets it firmly. "Hi, I'm Janine! We spoke over the phone, and email?"</p><p>"Yes. I'm Victoria Chase, as you know. And this is—"</p><p>"Kate Marsh, soon-to-be world renowned children's author." The two share some kind of banter at Janine's introduction, Kate waving her off and Janine teasing her about handing things in on time, but it's a blur to Victoria, their words muffled. Kate, who has haunted her nightly. Kate, whom she bullied relentlessly. After what Victoria is sure is too-long a pause, she snaps back to reality. Releasing a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding, Victoria smiles, all-business.</p><p>"Kate! Funny enough, we... Actually know each other already. We went to school together. Small world, hm?" For a moment, an image of Kate storming out, refusing to work with Victoria and vowing to ruin her fills her thoughts. Kate's voice cuts right through.</p><p>"No kidding! Which is... Weird, because L.A. feels huge, pretty much always." There's a smile on her face, no trace of anger or malice. Maybe a little nervousness, which Victoria tucks away to over-analyze and take personally later.</p><p>"Yeah. New York, too. Well. Congrats on the book! I'll let you two talk, and get my equipment set up, and we can get this show on the road! Thank you so much for working with me!" </p><p>Walking away briskly, Victoria busies herself with her camera to stave off the panic she feels tingling at the edges of her fingers and toes, creeping up her scalp and tightening her throat. She's a pro by now, and setup takes only minutes, but finding the best spot, and the best lighting, adds dozens of minutes onto that for Victoria, who refuses to produce anything but perfect photos. Once camera, crew, and model are ready, the shoot begins. Kate seems nervous in front of the camera, and Victoria can't blame her, knowing what their teacher did to both of them. But with time, patience, and persistence, the shoot concludes with success. Kate fit in naturally among the bright colors of the flowers, and glow of sunlight streaming through in a chlorophyll hue. But her favorite photo comes when the set is in the midst of shutting down, Victoria photographing the flora around them for her portfolio in lieu of answering the few dozen texts and missed calls from Royce building up on her phone in her back pocket. Kate is slouched over the craft services table, chin resting on crossed arms, her mind a million miles away, a faint smile on her lips. Victoria sets up the shot, catching her at the perfect angle, and snaps the photo. She'll include it in her email to the publisher once she's done editing, just in case. Sidling up, Victoria sits on the edge of the table, clearing her throat. </p><p>"Hey.... Kate."</p><p>The sound of her voice seems to pull Kate back from wherever she was, and she sits up, smiling at Victoria. "Hey, Victoria. Thanks for doing all of this. It's a bit much, just for an author back cover photo, isn't it? Especially for a kids book"</p><p>"I don't know, I'm not an author. But as a photographer? No. It's pretty low key, compared to most shoots, actually. A lot less people, too." </p><p>A silence follows, and maybe it's Victoria's ever-present guilt, or her pride in her work, that pushes out her next words without thought or warning.</p><p>"Do you want to see the photos? This is shutting down, but there's a nice cafe a block down."</p><p>Kate looks up at her, and this silence seems millennia longer than the last, before Kate's smile widens. "I'd love that, actually."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. On a Wednesday in a Café</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Post-shoot, Victoria and Kate catch up on each other's lives over the last decade.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cafe is huge as Victoria and Kate step through the doors, with high ceilings and floor-to-ceiling windows, letting sunlight pour across the painted brick of the other walls. The chatter of other customers and the rich scent of brewing coffee almost makes Victoria homesick for Seattle, save for all the rain. Photography takes her focus, though, and she produces her camera from it's bag as soon as they're seated. She looks through the photos herself first, internally critiquing each as she flips through them. <em>That one's lighting is off. The colors on this one clash. </em>They're near-perfect, but if Victoria looks at them too long, and can't immediately edit them, she'll drive herself crazy. Sliding the camera gently across the tabletop to Kate, Victoria talks while Kate flips through them. </p><p>"Let me know which ones are your favorites, which ones you don't like at all. I know your agent mentioned a few she liked, it's ultimately your decision. Of course, you can wait to decide until after you see the edited version, if you pref—"</p><p>"What's this one?"</p><p>"Hm?" Victoria turns the camera around so she can see, and her heart drops in her chest. It's her favorite, the candid. "Oh, I was just messing around, taking b-roll pictures, I guess you could say. I should have checked if it was okay."</p><p>"No! No, it's really... Pretty." Kate seems to momentarily struggle with her word choice, but Victoria floods with relief when the final decision is positive. Kate hands the camera back, still all smiles. "I can't wait to see what the finished product looks like!"</p><p>"I like to be fairly punctual with my turnaround time, so once I'm home tomorrow I should be able to get these edited within a few hours and emailed to you and your publisher. Or if you like I can just email them to you, and let you take lead on which ones you'd like to forward. </p><p>Just as Victoria puts her camera back in it's place, a waitress comes by to ask for their order. The waitress makes eye contact with Victoria, who smiles and looks to Kate. "You go ahead."</p><p><br/>Kate expression seems to shift several times in the next few seconds, from embarrassed to contemplative to playfully resigned as she smiles at Victoria, then the waitress. "Okay! I'll have tea."</p><p><br/>As Kate and the waitress go back and forth about the types of tea available before Kate settles on one, Victoria scans the menu. She already knows what she's getting, but it feels weird to just watch them talk. When the waitress turns her way, Victoria speaks as she hands back the menu. "Can I have an iced latte in a to-go cup please? Fat-free milk, no whip. Thank you." </p><p>Once the waitress leaves, Victoria leans forward, settling crossed arms on the sleek wood tabletop. </p><p>"So..." She starts, smiling at Kate. "It's been a long time. How have you been? I mean, clearly you're doing well, being a published author. Or, about to be, at least. And in L.A., no less."</p><p>She's careful, she doesn't mention the storm that wiped out Arcadia Bay, killing many of their classmates, friends, and family including the Marshes, save for Kate and one of her sisters. Even so, it seems a similar train of thought passes through Kate's mind, her expression darkening in a way that breaks Victoria's heart. The moment passes quickly, though, and Kate nods, leaning forward to cup her hands around her tea as their drinks are dropped off. </p><p>"Oh, y'know. It was hard, at first. After... Everything. We—Lynn and I—stuck around to help clean up the Bay. But things got dark, and neither of us were coping well, so we moved. I applied and got into CalArts and—"</p><p>"CalArts? Wow, that's..." <em>Not as good as Yale</em>, she thinks, immediately followed by a rush of shame. Victoria's not competitive like that anymore, or at least she tries not to be. "A great school. What are you studying?"</p><p>"Animation. The book is kind of... A side thing. I do like it, but I want to do other things, too." Kate speaks between sips of her tea, Victoria's iced coffee untouched as she listens, enthralled. "We're doing a lot better now, than we were in Arcadia Bay. I came to terms with some truths about myself, and came out as as a lesbian." <br/><br/></p><p>Said while Victoria is sipping her coffee for the first time, she fights back against nearly choking and forcefully sets her coffee on the table with unnecessary force. "<em>What</em>?"</p><p>"What, what?" Kate blinks at her innocently, the edges of her mouth twitching into a teasing smirk and a mischievous sparkle in her hazel eyes.</p><p>"Seriously? You? It's kind of a plot twist, don't you think? Given how religious you were?" Victoria stared at her for a moment before shaking her head in disbelief and taking a sip of her drink. "Well. Shit. I guess I wasted a lot of time being scared of you. After you walked in on me taking my estrogen, you saw my scars and.... Damn. I thought you were going to kill me. Or worse, tell everybody."</p><p>Kate makes a noise of understanding at the back of her throat, but an awkward silence falls over them as they remember their days at Blackwell separately, and oh-so-differently. After a long minute, Kate exhales and smiles. "What have you been up to? Really, we've just talked about me. You don't seem to be doing too badly, either." </p><p>"It's okay! We did just get done with a photo shoot for <em>your</em> book." Victoria chuckled, smiling as she thinks. "Well. I went back to Seattle after the storm, and graduated from a private school there. Went to Yale, the school furthest from my family. You're not the only one here that did some... Discovery. I had a casual thing with my roommate, a few month-long things here and there with other girls, too. But my parents were friends with the parents of a student in my grade, Royce, and they 'strongly suggested' I give him a chance and drop my 'special friends'. </p><p>Her expression soured for a fraction of a second, but she blew right past it. Kate stayed silent, her expression slightly concerned, but politely interested. </p><p>"We dated for a few years, he proposed when we graduated, we moved to the city so I could work with big-time magazines and he could continue law school. He graduated and works with some big firm. It's <em>dazzling</em>." She says 'dazzling' in the same way other people might say 'leper'. Sipping her coffee, she shrugs. "He's an asshole, but it makes my parents almost proud of me, so I deal. I can have a real happy ending after they're dead. Or affairs. Either way." </p><p>When she looks back to Kate, the woman is gawking at her in something between worry and pity. Just as her lips part to speak, Victoria lifts a red-painted finger, shushing her. "Don't. Don't. Just... Do not. I know it's not wonderful. But I have my work. I don't need personal happiness when I have professional success." </p><p>That gets a laugh out of Kate, a sound that leaves Victoria feeling warmed from the inside out. Crossing her arms and pretending to pout, Victoria asks, "What? I wasn't being funny." </p><p>Kate puts a hand over her mouth, trying and failing to stifle giggles until she regains composure. "No, I know. It's just very <em>you</em>. It's nice, in a weird way. Some parts of you seem so different, but then you turn around and sound exactly the same. It's just funny." </p><p>"Oh, excuse me! We can't all be shining beacons of positivity!" Victoria sneers, trying desperately to look serious, and Kate mirrors it. The two hold their expressions for only a moment before breaking, throwing their heads back and laughing. </p><p>Once they've calmed down, Victoria catches a glance of her phone screen. "Shit, I have to get back and pack my things. My flight's in four hours and LAX is... You know. You live here." </p><p>"Aw, really?" Kate seems surprised to hear the words come from her mouth, Victoria looking up in surprise as well. A rosy blush rises in Kate's cheeks as she tries to explain. "This was...."</p><p>"Not awful? Not... Torturous," Victoria supplied, watching with delight as Kate seemed more and more mortified by Victoria's increasingly negative suggestions. "Hellish? The worst way you could think to spend an afternoon?"</p><p>"It was really! Nice!" Kate insisted through her embarrassed laughter, covering her hands with her face as Victoria feigned shock and surprise. </p><p>"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Yeah, see, I never would've gotten that." Smiling, Victoria stands, taking her cup. "I agree. This was really nice. Here's my card. You know, for your next book's photo shoot." </p><p>Victoria produces a white card and slides it across the table, thinking, and taking it back to retrieve a pen from the depths of her purse and scribbling another number on the other side. "I'm in L.A. pretty regularly, text me and maybe we can do this again? Next time I'm in the city?" </p><p>"Yeah! That sounds great." Kate nods eagerly, but it crosses Victoria's mind, she could easily just be being polite. Hurrying out the door, Victoria lets herself be swept up in the chaos of getting back to New York. </p><hr/><p>Later that night, two young women lay in their beds, thousands of miles apart. Both wide awake later than they should be, and little do they know, both replaying their coffee not-date earlier that day. Kate lies in her bed in the midst of her tiny, cramped room, staring at her ceiling. Victoria lies in bed next to her husband, curled as far away from him as she can get, watching the city that never sleeps lit up just outside her window. Giving up on sleep, she grabs her phone from her bedside table, sending a quick text. </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>hey, kate. sorry i didn't answer earlier. yes, i got home fine. i have another job lined up in l.a. in a few weeks, we should meet up again. or you could just write another book. :)</p>
</blockquote><p>Next, she pulls up her contacts, and starts asking around for a job to line up in l.a., just to cover her tracks.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. We're Just Human</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A series of jump-cuts through the less in-depth, but still important stepping stones of Victoria and Kate's growing friendship. TW for depictions of abuse.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Victoria <em>did</em> end up finding another job to give her an excuse to fly out to L.A. Despite the occasional awkwardness within their post-shoot drinks, Kate's warmth was addictive and contagious, something in short supply in nearly every other relationship Victoria had in her life. Even after how forgiving Kate had been, Victoria keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Kate to put her name on blast across social media and out her as a former bully rug-sweeping her past for the sake of her career. It's all projection, of course, and Victoria would do that to herself before Kate ever even considered it, but it doesn't stop paranoia from creeping in every time Kate's name lights up her phone screen. Their texting grows in frequency, usually Kate checking in on Victoria, or Victoria prodding into her progress on her supposed next project to see when she'll be asked to photograph Kate again. Their conversations carry the tone of familiar coworkers, or acquaintances slowly bridging the gap to friendship. But it's something, and Victoria's grateful she's allowed even that after how she treated Kate at Blackwell.</p><p>It was after Kate's next birthday, when Victoria sent her a Tiffany's charm bracelet with a small bunny charm attached. Royce walked into her office in their apartment, latest bank statement in hand. He looked calm, for the time being, but Victoria could see the vein pulsing over his temple, and knew there was storm brewing. Dropping the papers on her desk in a flourish so dramatic it's a little overkill even for <em>her</em>, his finger stabbed one of the many lines of the statement. </p><p>"What," he snarled, finger angrily tapping in staccato. "Is this?"</p><p>"I don't <em>know</em>, Roy, I can't see through your tapping." Victoria's tone was all ice and steel, already bracing. He shoved the papers at her with one hand and she huffs in annoyance to cover the anxious tingle creeping into her fingers and up her neck. Dark eyes scanning the page, she finds the line in question and sighs heavily to exaggerate her her exasperation, and release the breath she's holding. "It's a bracelet. What's the problem?" </p><p>"You didn't get a new bracelet. I checked the tracking, it went to some address in California!" The final word is spat, finger pointed as if he'd had some kind of Eureka moment, but Victoria doesn't pay him mind, looking underwhelmed at best.</p><p>"It's a gift." </p><p>"Don't play dumb with me." That raised Victoria's hackles, but he stepped closer, looming over the desk at her as he snapped, "Who the hell is Kate Marsh?"</p><p>Her limbs turned to jelly, and she swallowed back a scream, although her mind raced with expletives telling him not to talk about her. "She's a client, <em>dear</em>. That's what we do, in my line of work, to maintain camaraderie. I paid with <em>my</em> card, using <em>my</em> money. We don't all work with white collar felons trying to get them off—"</p><p>Victoria's ear rang before the sting radiating up the side of her face registered. Neither had time to really set in before Royce grabbed her wrist and forced her to her feet, his face mere inches from hers as he hissed at her. "You listen to me, little girl. You are my wife. I decide where our money goes, and when you get to spend it. I work harder at my job than you ever will at your little hobby. You would be nothing without me. I promise, if something funny's going on, if Kate's covering for some fuckbuddy you have on the side, I will find out. And you don't want that to happen." </p><p>He released her wrist, already turning the same brilliant pink as her cheek, abruptly dropping her back into her desk chair and storming away. </p><p>For a few weeks, Victoria relented. Her texts diminished to one-word responses to Kate's efforts to check in, and Victoria barely registered Kate's delight at her birthday present. The ache in her chest, though, came as a surprise. It accompanied flashes of Kate's concerned expression and a flush of shame. Over the days, her fear of Royce became eclipsed by Kate's increasingly worried texts, and just shy of day seventeen of no contact, Victoria cracked, and texted her again. Her heart nearly lifted right out of her ribs when her phone dinged with a relieved reply from Kate.</p><p>She and Kate, Victoria realized, are really friends. Someone cared for her, and she for them, with seemingly no motive.</p><hr/><p>Just before Christmas, Kate's budding relationship with a girl she went to school with ended. She didn't ask, but Victoria insisted on flying out for an early Christmas to comfort her. <em>A break from the frostbite in NYC would be a relief</em>, Victoria explained, when asked for the millionth time if she's sure. She told Roy she wanted to make their parents jealous, and that he could tell them he took her on a cruise or another bullshit lie, if he'd just let her go. It took weeks of back and forth negotiation, and unspeakable favors, but he relented. Victoria was allowed to go, and that's what mattered.</p><p>This visit differed from the others, in that it was the first time she was spending any more than a few hours with Kate. They had a whole five days, and the prospect of that much time with her friend both excited and terrified her. It was a vacation, it was exciting, but so much time together left more margin for error. Thus far, their friendship consisted of friendly, polite conversation, light teasing, and things in that vein. Light. Easy. Shallow, some might say. Taking their friendship to the next level, for example staying in Kate's apartment, opened the door for uglier, more intimate conversation topics. Victoria was sure, given the chance, this would lead to discussion of their time at Blackwell. Discussion of what she'd done to Kate. Just the idea left her gripped with a paralyzing anxiety and embarrassment.  For a broken-hearted Kate, she decided to risk it. </p><p>That proved to be a mistake the instant she stepped through the door of Kate's small apartment. She'd tried to warn Victoria multiple times how small it was, that it was something of a crowded shoe box, but none of those prevented the taller of the two from gawking. Clearing her throat, Victoria started to speak, to bullshit her way through enough platitudes to be polite. But a door opened, a shorter, younger Kate poking her head out of the door.</p><p>"Hey, Katie. Hey.... Katie's friend." The girl, roughly mid-teens, seemed wholly unimpressed and skeptical of Victoria from the start. </p><p>"Lynn, this Victoria. I told you she was coming to visi—" Kate's explanation was cut off by an outburst from the other girl, Lynn, who came the rest of the way through the door, arms crossed. </p><p>"Are you serious? <em>That</em> Victoria? She's staying with us?" Victoria's eyes followed back and forth as if watching a tennis match, only interjecting with an indignant cry at the way Lynn talked about her. This was an even bigger mistake, as Lynn rounded on her. "Oh, hell no! After what you did to her? She might've forgiven you because she's too nice, but I haven't! Fuck—"</p><p>"Lynn! Stop it!" Kate's cheeks were a brilliant red, hand outstretched as if to physically stop the tirade. "She's a guest, and she's my friend, and she's staying! I'm sorry that upsets you, and we can talk about it later, but please. Stop." </p><p>Kate's soft plea seemed somewhat effective, the two girls in a silent, tense standoff for a long moment before Lynn broke the silence. "Whatever. Fine. But I'm staying with a friend while <em>she's</em> here." </p><p>"I... Okay. Let me know you got to school every morning, though, okay? And give me their parents' contact info?" Both girls expressions softened little by little, and Kate hesitantly gathers her into a hug. </p><p>"Yeah, okay. I will. Love you." </p><p>"Love you too."</p><p>"Nice to me—" Victoria's farewell is cut off with a scathing glare, and she looks away until the door shuts, then makes eye contact with Kate. "So that was...."</p><p>"My sister. I'm so, so sorry. She's a little, um—" </p><p>"Honest?" Victoria smiles weakly, still reeling from her worst fear being thrust upon her seconds into being in Kate's apartment. "It's okay. It's.... Fair."</p><p>"No it's not! I forgave you for... All that. A long time ago." An expression flashed over Kate's otherwise sunny disposition, a little moment of unrest. It's to be expected, neither of them have forgotten Blackwell by any means, and Victoria can't imagine what Kate went through to get to where she is now. Still, she's not quite ready for that conversation. </p><p>"Okay! If you say so." Both girls turned, letting the conversation drop to lead Victoria through a tour of the apartment. Without realizing, Victoria stretched out a hand to touch Kate's shoulder, and both girls freeze upon contact. "Hey. Kate? I hope you know... That means the world to me. Your forgiveness, I mean. A-And your friendship." </p><p>She stumbled over the words, the taste of them unfamiliar on her tongue. Kate takes it in seamless, graceful stride, leaving it with a small smile of acknowledgement before resuming the short-lived tour. The rest of the week passes in relative peace, with Kate showing Victoria around L.A. her way, and letting Victoria do the same on occasion. They talk about Victoria's other photography projects, Kate's new comic she's allegedly working on, and spend most nights playing tug-o-war with Victoria wanting to go out and party, and Kate wanting to stay in. By the time Victoria steps in line for security at LAX, looking back to wave goodbye to Kate, she's genuinely sad to go, sadder than she's been on their little one or two day hang outs when she's been here on business. Kate's warmth and kindness stick with her, proving to be the only thing that gets her through Christmas Dinner with the Chases and DuPonts. </p><hr/><p>Unexpectedly, a few months after their Christmas vacation, Royce went on a vacation of his own. Allegedly a work trip, Victoria smelled the lie from a mile away. She let it go, since she didn't care, not really. If she did, it was only for the sake of her reputation. And it left her with a week to herself. Changing things up, she bought a plane ticket for Kate as soon as she confirmed the dates, giddily texting her friend that she was going to see her very shortly. Met with understandable confusion, Victoria attached the ticket confirmation, receiving nothing short of a small text explosion as Kate insisted she would pay Victoria back, and it was too much. Not hearing it, Victoria just sent cheeky, sarcastic, and somewhat random emojis in response until Kate calmed down. </p><p>Even coming from L.A., Kate seemed wowed by New York. Victoria insisted on dragging her to the essential tourist places, and taking her for tea at the best cafes. By now things felt natural, relaxed. They were still polite, but it was less forced. Slip-ups in conversation that might lead to more unpleasant things were still a sore spot and avoided when they could be, but it was no longer a fearful thing. </p><p>Towards the end of the week, when the spring sunshine gave way to a downpour that flooded the streets, Victoria and Kate bundled up in her and Royce's bed, watching movies on their massive, wall-mounted flat-screen TV. The day shifts, between Victoria teasing Kate over her bizarre obsession with horror anime, and Kate pretending to nod off as Victoria forces them to trudge through the entirety of Audrey Hepburn's filmography. Scenes are paused frequently for random snippets of conversation, or trading funny memes or wild social media posts. It's relaxed, it's nice, and it's absurdly domestic. Towards the tail end of it, when the sun has set, and the lights of the city are sparkling in through the window, Victoria lets her head loll to the side to look at Kate, elbowing her. </p><p>"Hey." </p><p>"Hm?" Kate blinks sleepily, pushing her hair off her face to look at Victoria.</p><p>"How's... Things? I know you and what's-her-face only broke up a few months ago, but are you okay? Did you find anyone new?" Victoria rolls over to prop her head up on her hand, fully in gossip mode. Kate just laughs, the sound somewhere between genuine amusement and a groan. </p><p>"Really? I was so comfy and you woke me up to talk about girls?" She shoots Victoria a half-hearted glare, which is returned in kind. </p><p>"Oh, sue me! I'm curious! You didn't mention anyone, and it's been for-ev-er!" Victoria stretches the word into three syllables, unabashedly whining. </p><p>"Fine! Okay! But you're gonna be disappointed. No, no I haven't found a new girlfriend. I went on a few dates, and they were... Nice." </p><p>The face Kate makes, nose scrunching like a bunny, prompts a full laugh from Victoria. "Not nice enough, huh? Who knew, Kate Marsh has sky-high standards!" </p><p>"Hey!" Kate laughed, reaching out to lightly push Victoria's shoulder. She quiets, though, her expression turning contemplative. "I just... Know my worth. I deserve someone special." </p><p>Something twists in Victoria's chest, all the way down into her gut. Guilt creeps in, her shoulders sagging under the weight of it. Her voice is just as quiet as Kate's when she speaks next, her gaze fixed on Kate's silhouetted form. "You're right. You do. I hope you find it." </p><p>She doesn't expect it, when Kate's eyes meet hers in the near-dark, her reply cutting right to Victoria's core. </p><p>"I hope you do, too, Victoria."</p><hr/><p>It took no less than eight false starts, and increasingly horrific incidents, for Victoria to pack her bags. Royce's grip on her had gone from controlling to suffocating, and each time she spent a few days in L.A. with Kate were such a stark contrast it became painful to leave her. Waiting until Royce went to work, Victoria bought a last-minute flight to L.A. and drained their bank account. The entire Uber ride to JFK, Victoria felt as if she were on vibrate, like she was on the best coke in the world. In case Royce found a way to pull her texts, she decided not to text Kate, and just pray she caught her at home. She holds onto that hope through the entirety of the excruciating six-hour flight, playing every possible scenario in her mind. She runs the gamut from Kate welcoming her with open arms and inexplicably buying her a palace as the decidedly 'best' option, to Kate opening the door and laughing in her face, Royce right behind her. Not all the scenarios entirely made sense, but her phone died halfway through the flight, and she was left wholly to her own devices, only somewhat saved by a bottle of wine. When raindrops began to patter against the window as they descended, Victoria's stomach dropped. Rain in L.A. was rare, and in this case she couldn't quite bring herself to be an optimist. Her mind ran a million miles an hour as they taxi'd across the tarmac, and kept running as she rode to Kate's apartment. Standing on the stoop, drenched in rain and her body aching from bruises in various states of healing, she breathed a sigh of relief when Kate opened the door.</p><p>"Victoria? What are you doing here? Did I forget you were visiting?" She looked bewildered, and Victoria couldn't say she blamed Kate. She'd never expressly disclosed Royce's abuse, just that he was a asshole. Kate stepped aside, ushering Victoria in.</p><p>"No, we didn't plan this. I just, uh... I need somewhere to crash." Though she fumbles, she manages to appear aloof and unbothered for the most part, flashing a tired smile. "That's okay, right? I'll take the couch—"</p><p>"Of course not!" Kate interrupts immediately, uncharacteristically stern, and for a moment Victoria panicks. "I'll just move into Lynn's room, and you can stay in my room. Okay?"</p><p>"Okay...? If you're—"</p><p>"I'm sure." </p><p>"Okay!" Victoria snaps, immediately filled with regret. Palming her wet hair, she sighs. "Can I... Go to bed? It's been a long day."</p><p>"Sure! Yeah! Go for it." Kate smiles, but there's traces of worry in her expression, and Victoria just knows she can't outrun the questions forever.</p><p>She turns and wheels her suitcase into tiny room, shutting the door behind her. Only undressing as much as is necessary to be comfortable and not soaking wet, she gingerly tucks herself into the soft sheets and blankets of Kate's bed. They're not the most expensive, and if nothing else but to cheer herself up, Victoria nitpicks at it to herself. Her eyes remain fixed on the ceiling, waiting for exhaustion to take her. She waits.... And waits.... And waits. But her mind keeps running, replaying her and Royce's last fight, imagining that he might be on his way, ready to pounce at any moment. At some point the rain stops, and some time after that birds begin to chirp, the sky in the midst of turning from navy to periwinkle. Victoria pulls herself out of the bed, buttoning her dried shirt and pants back on, wincing at just the principle of putting dirty clothes back on. But for now, she can't seem to care.</p><p>Grabbing her cigarettes and lighter, Victoria tip-toed out of the bedroom, through the apartment, and out onto the front steps. She didn’t hesitate, a cigarette between her lips nearly the second she sat down. She was halfway through her second when the door opened behind her, and she half turned, to see Kate’s silhouette in the doorway. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I thought I was being quiet."</p><p>"It's no problem." Kate smiled down at her, light from the apartment shining around her like a halo. "Do you mind company? I don't sleep well." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I Can Finally See You're As Fucked Up As Me, So How Do We Win?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victoria and Kate have a long-overdue, long-avoided conversation.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the quick break! Had a weird sick, insomniac thing going on and then slept for basically a full day. Oops! Lol. Happy fourth, if you're in the States!</p>
<p>***Most of Kate's part has been written by my friend who RPs her @judesowndaughter on tumblr, and just reworded to flow within the fic by yours truly***</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em><strong>Shit.</strong> Shitshitshitshitshitshit— </em>
</p>
<p>“By all means. I get it.” Victoria gestures next to her, seemingly pointlessly as Kate is already sinking onto the stoop. Kate could ask to peel Victoria’s maroon nails off the tips of her fingers, and it wouldn’t be a problem. Not after what she put Kate through, all those years ago, or the drama and horror she's brought with her by choosing Kate's home as her safe haven. Her head turns to watch Kate as she talks, nodding. It’s weird, how normally Kate’s talking to her. Like she’s a woman, not a ghoulish monster disguised as a woman.</p>
<p>"There’s just one thing I hate about LA, and it’s the light pollution," Kate looks up, the night skies a shade of bruised purple, "It sucks that we can’t watch the stars. I miss admiring the Milky Way at night. The buses here are more interesting to watch than the sky."</p>
<p>Laughing quietly, smoke billows from her lips as Victoria smiles ruefully. “I could see that. You know, back when I first moved out to the Bay, to go to Blackwell? My first night I freaked out so bad because it was just... Dark. No lights from the Seattle skyline, shining across the water for me to look at until I fell asleep. You heard right, Victoria Chase was scared of the dark.” </p>
<p>"Oh, I’m not one to judge. That kind of darkness can be so intimidating. At the risk of coming off as sappy, I think it’s a little romantic that lights from the city skyline lulled you to sleep. I’m sorry it took more than just plushies to feel safe. Growing up can be so dangerous."</p>
<p>The clenched teeth tension Victoria is working herself up into is disrupted by Kate’s words, and a reluctant smile curves her lips. “Oh, high school me would’ve killed for someone to appreciate that. I really loved the idea of a romantic vibe. But damn if I wasn’t too much of a bitch to pull it off.” </p>
<p>"More like everyone had to put on a mask," Kate's lips falter into a sad smile, her hazel eyes reflecting the orange haze of streetlights, "Vulnerability and cutthroat private schools really don’t mix, especially in a small town."</p>
<p>“Mmm, true. Still, some people—” Victoria’s words snag on hooks of guilt, and she rephrases, shame heating her cheeks. “—I made it worse for you. So... So much worse than it ever should have been. All to protect the dozens of masks I was juggling. To me, at the time, you were Dorothy. Waiting to yank the curtain open and expose my empire for what it really was—A sad little rich girl desperate for approval and attention, with too many imperfections to get it on merit alone.”</p>
<p>It’s a harsh, unflinching critique. But it rings true, having rattled around in the depths of Victoria’s mind since that first day she met Kate. Saying it to her, though, admitting why she was so terrible to her back then, feels a little selfish, souring the big moment when the relief comes.</p>
<p>"...Point taken," Kate replies, inhaling sharply. A frizzy strand of hair falls into her face, and she tucks it behind her ear, searching for what to say,  "I was upset over what happened for a long time. That pain led me into some awful places, where I did and said a lot of things that I regret. But even at my angriest, my messiest, I knew you had a reason for why you hurt me---even if that doesn’t make anything that happened okay. And yet that sad little rich girl was one of the only people to genuinely apologize to me without hiding behind a group get-well card. After all of these years, you still hold yourself accountable. That means something, Victoria."</p>
<p>Victoria remembers the card well; it was Dana’s idea, she’d basically twisted everyone’s arm to sign it. Even Victoria. But it felt cheap. <em>I know we bullied you mercilessly, so severely you wanted to die, but here’s a Hallmark card. Yeah. Real thoughtful.</em> Lingering on the past won’t help, and Victoria can already feel it seeping in, an inky black ooze marring the careful tenderness of the conversation. Still, she can’t let it go, just yet. “I was, too, I hope you know. I still am.” Victoria swallows hard, eyes wide as she searching Kate’s face for understanding in her sleep-deprived rambling. “I haven’t slept right for.... Jesus, almost a decade now? Before the shoot, you were like the Boogeyman. I dreamed about the day you— You attempted—on a nightly basis. That’s why I’m out here.”</p>
<p>Victoria sweeps one hand in a small circle to indicate the stoop. “Until that shoot, until you talked to me and you didn’t hate me... I was kind of terrified of you. You don’t know what it means to me... That that stupid little card I gave you, that I came to visit you, even scratched the surface.”</p>
<p>In the movie version of this moment, the director would say that this is the part where catharsis is supposed to wash over Kate. Victoria acknowledges the harm she caused, and they cry together. The scene turns into a total emotional release, a purging of past regrets and old sorrows. But no epiphany occurs, no purification that leaves Kate feeling lighter and purer and better than the girl she was before Blackwell and the storm. At the end of the world, where the Pacific laps at the borders of the beach, they’re still two girls huddled on the steps of an apartment that Kate pays too much for. Kate's legs draw up as she offers a sympathetic smile, old bear-print boxers draped over her thighs. Arms encircle her shins as Kate presses her cheek against her knee. Hazel eyes lazily take note of the way Victoria’s long hair frames her face, of how she holds her cigarette, of the regrets lining her face. They’re older now, God help them. Older and sadder and hopefully a little more mature. She winces, but before Victoria can decide if she wants to prod, her gaze drawn to Victoria’s brown eyes. The LA night is not so dark that Kate misses a patch of skin discolored from capillaries broken. Neither woman speaks about it, but Victoria watches Kate see it, and her mind scrambles fruitlessly for an excuse until Kate speaks.</p>
<p>"When I first moved here, I couldn’t sleep," Kate laughs, though it comes out no louder than a soft puff of air. "Not that I can…mm, let’s say that it was worse than usual. Everything was so new here, especially the sounds. So Lynn and I would sleep in the same bed. I felt safe with someone familiar near by. Or something. Plushies work too. Don’t judge!"</p>
<p>Victoria lifts her hands in surrender. “Never! I had a—I had something similar. Later... I had other methods.”</p>
<p>She clears her throat, pressing the butt of the cigarette into the step, going to toss it into the garden lining the sidewalk, and pulling her hand back, settling for holding it awkwardly.</p>
<p>“Habit.” She shrugs, an apology for the action stuck in her throat, the ghost of her mother’s voice at the back of her mind reminding her not to be weak. </p>
<p>A tiny nod is all Kate responds with: Victoria didn’t dump her cigarette into the succulents, and that’s enough. This is more intimate than Kate has ever been with anyone, giving away pieces of herself and delicately holding Victoria’s in reply. No one demands payment, there is no bill of service that tallies up the cost. They simply are in this moment, and Kate silently appreciates every fragile, sweet second of it.</p>
<p>“So... Why L.A.? If you liked the Bay so much, I mean. Why not Portland? Seattle? L.A. seems so... Harsh for you.” The long silence as Kate ponders her response to Victoria’s question fills Victoria with anxiety. Undoubtedly, what’s happening right now is something special. It’s intimate, it’s sweet. But she could have crossed a line. Maybe Victoria was so shitty to her, such an absolute monster that she chased her out of the Bay—</p>
<p>Kate takes a deep breath to center herself. Victoria wants to know, and Kate strives to answer honestly. No more lies.</p>
<p>"For all of its beauty, I...hated Arcadia Bay. Too many horrible memories of my mother. And Emily always said," a pained laugh accompanies blinking hard to stave off the hot tears building behind her eyes. "That if I didn’t get out, she would pester me to death before the bay could get me. Harsh words, but she was loving in her own way. L.A. was always where I needed to be. CalArts and a ton of animation studios, warm weather, plenty of sun: it’s the photo negative of Arcadia Bay. Everything moves so quickly that you have to function. It’s sad, but if I didn’t have that, I would just spiral back into binge-drinking." </p>
<p>The confession comes as blunt as a 2x4 to the head. Kate shrugs, features unfazed by her own admission. She fought tooth and nail to remain sober, to own up to her mistakes, to stop putting on a show for the sake of her dead mother. For all of Kate’s seeming nonchalance, a spark of hope warms her chest. She’s here to build bridges with Victoria, to show her there’s no shame in speaking her trauma aloud. It’s naive, but Kate prays that this can be the start of something good for her old colleague. "This can be a good place to live. It just...takes some getting used to. And you don’t have to do this on your own, because I will be right by your side. I promise."</p>
<p>She holds up two fingers intertwined together, smile lined by late-night fatigue and sincerity in tandem.</p>
<p>“I get that. I... Feel that way about Seattle. Like, I love it, but it’s so close to my parents, it feels claustrophobic." Victoria breezes past the secret tucked into Kate’s rushed explanation. If she acknowledges it, it means trading a secret back. Losing another thread of dignity. But Kate, out of tiredness, or the simple vulnerability that comes with the early hours of the morning still bathed in the night sky, lifts her intertwined fingers. Victoria snorts, mirroring the hand gesture.</p>
<p>"I understand. More than anything, we all need the space to be ourselves. I’m sorry you didn’t get that in Seattle."</p>
<p>“I’ve gotten it... Here and there. In Connecticut, before I met Royce. Here, with you.” Victoria meets Kate’s gaze, smiling gentler than she thought possible. And then it’s too late to back out, at the risk of cheapening the moment. Dodging having to spit out the words that will forever paint her as a victim, Victoria unbuttons and rolls up her sleeve, pointing at the definitive fingerprint bruises lining her wrist. "Since we were engaged, my soon-to-be-ex-husband has beat the shit out of me, and my parents pressured me to stay and deal with it. And I don’t want to anymore. And you...”</p>
<p>Victoria stops short, not quite sure what the end of her sentence is going to be. For a second, she’s terrified she’ll start crying, the pressure building behind her eyes. Quietly, hesitantly, she offers, “You’ve just been really nice to me. No one’s ever been this genuinely nice to me. And I.. I realized I felt safer here than anywhere else.”</p>
<p> "Oh, Victoria," Kate whispers, worry lining her features. She’s delicate with her words, mindful of the courage it takes for her friend to break away from a monster like Royce, "You’ve suffered so much. Leaving isn’t easy. And I’m honored that you feel so safe here. No matter what happens, he’s not going to touch you again, I swear. ❞  </p>
<p>The barest hint of steel lines her words; she’s willing to do the utmost to keep the Chases and their son-in-law away from Victoria. Kate reaches out to take the taller woman’s purpling wrist in hand, stopping just short of skin-to-skin contact. For too long Victoria has been touched without giving her permission. "Do you want me to touch your wrist? It’s okay to say no, in this house, we respect the power of ‘no’. I can get an ice pack for you—if you want." </p>
<p>The worry that mars Kate’s features immediately makes Victoria want to recoil. This isn’t what she expected. If she thinks too hard, she can hear a tinge of pity in Kate’s soft cooing, urging something ugly in her to get angry. To get mean. But the harshness in Kate’s tone surprises her enough that she smiles unexpectedly, insomnia-addled brain briefly thinking Kate might be a reincarnation of Joan of Arc, ready to go to battle for her. It doesn’t make sense, but it makes Victoria feel soft and warm on the inside. Victoria smiles, shaking her head. Looking from her wrist, to Kate, and back down, Victoria gently puts her wrist into Kate’s hands. “No thanks. It doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s just ugly.  And It’s okay. I won’t, like, break or anything.”</p>
<p>Long fingers brush softly over Victoria’s bruises, as though Kate could wipe the marks away. "I know you won’t break," she murmurs,  "But boundaries are important and I…I needed to hear that it was okay. Too many people have hurt you, it would be wrong for me to add to that pain." Touch is a double-edged sword, it heals and hurts in the most intimate ways. Both women know that, though it turns Kate’s stomach that Victoria learned from the people who should have loved her most.  "You won’t ever have to see that on your skin again," she vows, leveling her gaze at Victoria’s.</p>
<p>Looking down, Victoria watches Kate’s fingers brush over the ugly marks, transfixed until Kate’s voice grabs Victoria's attention again only to find Kate staring right back at her.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I just—” She laughs again, not quite able to think clearly with the gentle warmth of Kate’s fingers still on her wrist and her gaze meeting Victoria’s. “You’re good. You’re a good person, and I’m not used to that. Most people I know want something from me, or want to control me, and you’re just... Nice. I protect myself. Sometimes I lash out before I have to protect myself. So to have you even offering to keep me here, keep me safe is... It’s incredible, Kate. It means everything to me. I haven’t had someone like that since...”</p>
<p>Since Nate.</p>
<p>“—Let’s just say it’s been... A while.” Pressure pushes at the back of her eyes, tears blurring her vision as a few rebel against her best efforts to keep them in, slipping down her cheeks. Fanning her face, Victoria giggles, embarrassment coloring her cheeks as she tries to look up, away, anywhere but at Kate. “Shit! Don’t look at me. Ugh, thank god I washed off my makeup before bed!”</p>
<p>"It's okay! It's okay to—"</p>
<p>"If you're about to say it's okay to cry, I swear to God—"</p>
<p>"I wasn't!"</p>
<p>"Yes you were!"</p>
<p>The momentary hysteria and fatigued laughter seem to burst the bubble of whatever moment had been building between them, leaving only their slow-dying laughter and traded sleepy glances following stifled yawns. Rubbing at her eyes, Victoria lifts a hand to pull herself up, reaching out for Kate with her free hand. Once Kate's standing, albeit wobbling on her feet, Victoria walks up the steps, fingers still entangled with Kate's. Inside the door, Kate's bedroom door looms large, daring Victoria to try and sleep again. Tearing her gaze from the door, Victoria looks at Kate with a weak smile. </p>
<p>"Hey... You wanna have a sleepover?" Her gaze bores into Kate's, imploring her to just go along with it. Kate gets the message loud and clear, to no one's surprise, and she nods. </p>
<p>"Yeah, we can have a sleepover. You sure you wanna try sleeping?" Kate fixes Victoria with a concerned gaze, answered with an exhaustion-drunk nod from Victoria. </p>
<p>"Yes. God, yes. It's just a little easier to fend off irrational fears of Royce breaking down my door if someone else is there, you know?" </p>
<p>That earns a smile, though a still slightly concerned one, from Kate. "Oh, yes. I know that very well." </p>
<p>Kate takes the reins from there, slipping by Victoria to guide her back down the hall into Kate's bedroom. Now, it feels less like Victoria's a rescued pound puppy in her new home, and more like the sleepovers she's had when visiting Kate before. This time, she takes the few spare minutes to undress and sip into the pajama set she brought with her before slipping beneath the covers next to Kate. Despite there being less room in the bed, the room as a whole feels worlds less claustrophobic, and Victoria sinks down into the bed much easier than before. Victoria curls into a protective ball out of reflex, rolling to face away from the door and instead watching Kate intently, and only then relaxing to outstretch her legs to tangle in Kate's. Between the emotional release of their talk, the taxing experience that was the rest of the day, and the now strangely-comforting pillow, Victoria is lulled immediately into almost-sleep, only awake enough to keep watching Kate watching her, curled to mirror Victoria's position.</p>
<p>Even in the darkness of Kate's room, Victoria can trace the lazily, sweet smile Kate's giving her between the increasingly longer intervals of her eyelids fluttering shut, growing heavier by the moment. Even the feeling of lips pressing against her forehead doesn't quite register for a second, after which she blinks her eyes open to see Kate, filling her field of vision. A retort barely begins to form in her mind until Kate, expression sheepish and resolute as if trying to decide something, inches closer to fill the gap. She kisses Victoria so sweetly it threatens to bring more tears to Victoria's eyes, the moment brief before Kate pulls away. Positive this is some sort of dream, and a welcome change from her usual nightmares, Victoria shifts forward, fingertips grazing Kate's jaw as she finds her in the almost-dark. A smile curves her lips as she kisses Kate, who returns the sleepy kisses in kind. They carry on like this until sleep finds them, continuing on when they wake every so often in the middle of their sleep, before drifting back into peaceful unconsciousness. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Only Fools Rush In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victoria wakes in Kate's apartment, faced with dealing with the repercussions of leaving Royce, and her feelings for Kate. TW for verbal abuse and disordered eating.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everybody! I got real sick this week and couldn't write, but I'm not feeling so much like death now, so here's a new chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Victoria smelled the breakfast waiting for her before she was even fully conscious, rolling over in bed expecting to see the high-ceiling walls of her New York home. As she takes in the colorful whirlwind of illustrations covering the walls and the cramped space of the room, reality sets in. She left Royce. She came back to Kate. They talked. They <em>kissed</em>. Putting that together with the fact that Kate isn't lying next to her still, doubt creeps in. Groggily disentangling herself from the blankets, she pulls clothes from her suitcase and dresses, pulling a brush through her hair before shuffling out from the bedroom, down the hallway, and into the kitchen.</p><p>"Hey..." Her voice is small and awkward when she speaks, leaning against the frame to smile at Kate. It's not unlike she's a kid again, faced with the weirdness of the morning after a slumber party. "Thanks for last night. Er, this morning. Both?"</p><p>"No need to thank me. It was... Hm. Nice." Victoria and Kate laugh in unison, the same half-effort, polite laugh to make Victoria feel less awkward. Gesturing with the spatula in her hand at the frying pan on the stove, Kate explains the obvious. "I made breakfast."</p><p>"Oh," Victoria half speaks, half sighs, unable to hide a smile as she shares a brief, secret kind of look with Kate, that tells her maybe it wasn't all in her head. She looks past Kate to the stove, then to the counter top next to it, where a plate is piled absurdly high with pancakes.</p><p>The sweet smell permeating the apartment makes sense now, as Kate piles more pancakes from the pan onto the stack. Victoria half-smiles as it sways dangerously. She's a little afraid to look at Kate, as if one second too long will reveal all her insecurity. So, she moves out of the direct line of fire. Victoria all but collapses into one of the chairs around the table and looks at her phone, momentarily forgetting Kate as she takes in the sheer amount of notifications on her phone. Texts, calls, FaceTimes, leading up until nearly three a.m. New York time. She'd avoided looking at it at all once she got to Kate's last night, but now she can only avoid it for so long. When Kate sits at the table with her, watching her with the same concern from last night, Victoria tears her gaze from her phone, realizing there's a stack of three giant pancakes in front of her. They're fluffy and perfect, too good-looking to be gluten free or even remotely healthy. Roughly a hundred and fifty calories per pancake, totaling four-fifty even before syrup. With, it's at least fifty extra calories. And <em>so</em> much sugar. If she eats it, it'll take up nearly all her calories for the day, which she was planning to save for alcohol to deal with the blow back from Royce's fury. This time, though, Royce and his drama will be of use. She pushes back from the table, smiling apologetically at Kate. </p><p>"This looks so good, and I'm starving, but I have to deal with... Everything. Keep mine warm for me?" She waits a beat, just long enough to get a nod of affirmation from Kate, pointedly ignoring that same worry from the night before creeping into Kate's features. It makes Victoria feel small, like Kate thinks she's weak, that she won't be able to handle what's coming.</p><p>Drifting back down the hallway to Kate's room, Victoria pauses at Lynn's door, wondering if she's staging a hunger strike against Victoria being there before she realizes the girl is probably at school. A fraction of the brick of anxiety sitting on her chest chips off, and she shuts the door to Kate's room behind her, bracing to take in whatever's coming. She sinks back onto the bed, unlocking her phone and pausing. Where to even start? The texts seem the least jarring. They're just written word, no wall-shaking screams to scare Victoria into caving in. When she opens her messages, her heart stutters briefly seeing the number. In the span of twenty-four hours, Royce sent her an astounding two hundred something messages. They start out with concern, and Victoria's lip curls in disgust. <em>Likely trying to save his ass when the divorce proceedings start, </em>she thinks. That, or to show to their friends and paint her as the villain who ghosted him, the concerned husband. As soon as the thought of divorce proceedings crosses her mind, she realizes she'll need to photograph the bruises. Her stomach turns, again, and she refocuses on the slew of texts. </p><p>[3:07 PM]: Sushi for dinner tonight? I can get us reservations.<br/>
[4:22 PM]: I'd appreciate a reply, these reservations are hard to get and some consideration for my time is the least I deserve. <br/>
[5:57 PM]: Where are you? I don't think we discussed you being out late tonight. <br/>
[6:02 PM]: Send me your location. Getting worried.<br/>
[6:06 PM]: Meet me for dinner in an hour. Cancel whatever you're doing. I hope you're safe. <br/>
[7:04 PM]: Our reservation was for four minutes ago. Where are you? I'm here, and I'm not happy. <br/>
[7:14 PM]: I lost the reservation because you didn't show up. You can't even stop being selfish long enough to do one thing for me. Going for drinks. Fuck you. Hope you're happy. <br/>
[1:15 AM]: Coming home. My fucking card got declined. Piece of shit bank. You better fucking be there.<br/>
<br/>
That brings a smile to Victoria's face. He must've tried to use his card after she took out all their money. After that, though, the texts get belligerent and repetitive, and she swipes to her voicemail. </p><p><em>Voicemail received at 1:35 AM</em>, a robotic voice chirps at her. The shift from that to Royce's voice is almost comical, but as soon as he starts screaming in her ear, she goes perfectly still. He isn't in the room with her, but it's a reflex she can't help. "WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL MY MONEY, VICTORIA? YOU WORTHLESS, GOLD DIGGING CUNT! I JUST LOOKED AT MY STATEMENT, AND IT'S ALL GONE. THAT'S OVER FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. YOU BETTER BE DEAD SOMEWHERE, OR I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL FUCKING MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING YET, YOU STUPID BITCH. I'LL DESTROY YOU FINANCIALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY IF I HAVE TO TO GET MY SHIT BACK. MARK MY FUCKING WORDS—"</p><p>At that point, she stops the recording, any smile or spiteful glee gone from her face. Her heart is racing in her chest, and she can feel her limbs stiffening into place, bracing for a hit that's not coming. A badly-timed knock leaves her blood running ice cold in her veins, stomach bottoming out. <em>This is it</em>, she thinks. <em>He found me,</em> <em>and he hurt Kate and now he's coming to kill me—</em></p><p>"Victoria?" Kate's voice is impossibly gentle, a jarring comparison to Royce's voicemail.</p><p>Victoria draws in a jagged breath, trying to not look so obviously rattled. Clearing her throat, Victoria called out, instantly wincing at the cracking, verging on tears quality in her voice. "Hey! C-C'mon in—Shit. Sorry." </p><p>Kate opens the door looking preemptively ready to fix whatever's wrong, and as much as Victoria has no interest in crying in front of her again, it makes her laugh a little that Kate's just naturally braced for it. </p><p>"Everything okay?" The look on her face, the weight of the air in the room already gives her the answer, but she wants to let Victoria answer. approaching slowly, she perches on the edge of the bed next to Victoria, catching a glance of the numerous voicemails left by Royce. Her stomach sinks, protective anger flashing through her chest. Victoria had suffered enough, and Kate would go through hell and high water before she let Royce get within spitting distance of her ever again. "If you want to talk, I'm here. But if you don't, that's okay too."</p><p>She smiles sweetly, reaching to put her hand over Victoria's before pulling back. "Is it okay...?"</p><p>"Huh? Oh." Victoria snaps back from being a million miles away, looking at the sweet expression on Kate's face, to the hand next to hers on the bed. "Yeah, that's fine." </p><p>Victoria's fingers slip over the comforter until they find Kate's, and the feeling of physical contact is such a raw relief she lets out a breath she didn't mean to be holding. "I don't wanna talk about it, I... I don't know what to do yet. I mean I know what to do, but God it's just so <em>much</em>, I don't want to."</p><p>"Well," Kate starts, and a blush creeps into her cheeks. "If you don't want to talk about that... Maybe we could talk about the kiss—"</p><p>Victoria's heart jumps, but her phone vibrates in her hand. Charlotte Chase flashes on the screen above her mother's portrait. Grumbling, she shoots Kate a pleading look, begging her to understand. To stay. She presses the little green phone icon, and before she has a chance to answer, her mother's sharp voice fills the air. </p><p>"So you do know how to answer the phone." </p><p>"What are you—"</p><p>"Royce is worried sick about you! I don't know what midlife crisis you're going through, but that man is the best thing you'll ever have—"</p><p>"Royce is an asshole, actually." </p><p>"Oh, grow up. Marriage isn't a fairy tale. His family will open doors for you you'd never get through on your own."</p><p>"Do you even care what he did?"</p><p>"Frankly, no, and I'm sick of your dramatics. This little.... Attention-grab... Isn't a good look. You stole money from him, Victoria." </p><p>"It's our money, actually. I just borrowed it."</p><p>"Then use your money to get back to your husband and fix your marriage."</p><p>"No." </p><p>"Please, Victoria. You're embarrassing your family. You're ruining our reputation, and yours. For someone who talked of wanting to have a showing in the Chase Space one day, you're awfully willing to throw away someone whose family will help keep it funded." </p><p>Victoria pales, her stomach dropping. Both she and her mother know it's a low blow, and they both know her mother doesn't care in the least. She looks at Kate, earning a supportive squeeze. "I'll... Think about it. Okay?"</p><p>"Fine. Goodbye."</p><p>Kate winces at the abrupt click that gives no time for Victoria to respond. It's all too familiar, reeking of the cold demeanor her own mother used to treat her with. Helen Marsh had been like an amalgamation of Royce and Charlotte Chase, a cold, cruel woman Kate was still recovering from, even after her death. A heavy silence sits between them, until Kate asks in a hushed whisper, "Are you okay?"</p><p>"... Yes." Victoria blinks slow, trying to calm her frayed nerves. It feels infinitely easier to fall apart right now, but there's no point. After all, things are just getting started. Clearing her throat and sitting up straighter, Victoria tosses her hair. "Now. Before that, you wanted to talk about...."</p><p>"... Last night." Kate fills in the end of the word hesitantly, more suggestion than concrete answer. "We don't have to. You're going through so much, you don't have to talk about anything at all, if you don't want. If you need space—"</p><p>"No!" Victoria says it so forcefully she surprises herself, exhaling heavily. "I'm sorry, I just... I don't want to be alone right now. We can talk about last night. That is... So much less intense than everything else." </p><p>"Okay." </p><p>"Oh...kay?" Victoria looks at Kate, seeing a blush creeping up her cheeks in tandem with the heat in Victoria's cheeks. Nervous tension crackles through the air, and both girls laugh, a different, sweeter one than the one shared earlier. Teasing, she points out, "You kissed me. Start talking. Why?" </p><p>Kate's eyes go wide, the pink blush deepening to a red. "Well, I just—I mean, we were talking, and it felt so sincere, and honest, and you looked so pretty in the light—"</p><p>"Kate," Victoria coos, momentarily dazzled by the sweet flattery before she finds her ground again. "That's <em>really</em> sweet. But I mean—Ugh, God, this sounds so stupid."</p><p>"Hey, you're not stupid. And neither is whatever you're going to say." Kate's tone is firm but kind, watching as Victoria drags her hands down her face. "What is it?"</p><p>Victoria struggles, grasping for the right words. "I mean, I looked pretty. That's because I <em>am</em> pretty. But was it just an "in the moment" thing, or... Do you... Have feelings for me?"</p><p>Kate smiles at Victoria's stating the obvious, grateful that Royce hasn't destroyed that. But her question is more complicated than it should be. Of course Kate likes her; she's beautiful, she's smart, she's incredibly talented. But they are living such different lives, and for however awful Royce is, Victoria is still married. <em>Really</em>, she thinks, <em>this is a conversation I should be having with my therapist</em>. She's been quiet too long, though, and when she takes in Victoria's expression, the woman looks as if she's on pins and needles. Shaking her head to clear it, Kate chuckles quietly. "Sorry about that. Um. Well. The simple answer is... Yes." </p><p>Victoria doesn't look thrilled, eyes narrowing just so. For all the growing up she's done, she's still incredibly intimidating, and Kate feels a little chill when she coldly says, "But?"</p><p>"But I'm worried about you. Royce—"</p><p>"I'm going to serve him divorce papers, I just need time—"</p><p>"I'm not rushing you, or that. I was going to say with everything with Royce going on, and your family, is a relationship really what you need right now? That's <em>so</em> much."</p><p>"So I'm too much." Victoria sits back, putting distance between Kate and herself. It's not what Kate means, and they both know it, but at the bare bones of it, Kate rejected her, and that stings, and it's all she can do to not shift into her default of being outwardly mean to cover her hurt.</p><p>"No! Victoria, no. Please understand. You're wonderful, and I'm not going anywhere. I want to be with you, but I want to support you, too, and through all of this? Adding more stressors isn't supportive." Kate bites the inside of her lip, more worried than anything else that Victoria will <em>only</em> see her saying no. Victoria looks at her, dark eyes studying Kate's face for a long, silent minute before she lets out a heavy sigh.</p><p>"It really sucks that I can't be mad at you."</p><p>"What? Yes, you can! You can feel whatever you need—"</p><p>"No, I mean—" Victoria laughs a little. "I mean I want to be angry, or hurt, or whatever, but you're right and you're sweet, and you're <em>good</em> and it wouldn't be fair to be mad at you for that." </p><p>"It's okay. I promise. Be mad, be whatever you need, okay? Just know... I'm here anyways." Kate breathes a sigh of relief as the air in the room seems to lighten, but Victoria briefly seems to wilt. "What's wrong? Besides... Everything."</p><p>"If you don't want to be with me, at least now, was everything last night... After the talk... A mistake?" </p><p>"Ohmigod, no! No, no!" Kate talks so fast it leaves her a little breathless, and she leans forward, taking Victoria's hands in hers, even whilst Victoria still holds her phone in one hand. "I <em>do</em> like you. And I like kissing you. Saying we should take things slow right now isn't saying anything was a mistake, or that I like you any less!" </p><p>"Mmm, probably should have led with that." Victoria rolls her eyes, but the smirk on her lips twitches, fighting to not break into a full-fledged smile. "Good to know, though. So... Does that mean I can kiss you again?"</p><p>The blush in Kate's cheeks creeps into her ears and she looks away, briefly, her gaze returning to Victoria's face as she asks, "Again? I kissed you first."</p><p>"So..."</p><p>"Yes, Victoria, you can kiss me." Kate laughs, the noise muffled as Victoria leans in, pressing her lips to Kate's. hands still held in Kate's. It's brief and sweet, but it still makes Kate's stomach flip, smiling so hard it nearly ruins the kiss. The feeling of Victoria's phone buzzing in her hand ruins the moment, and when she looks down at the screen, her face pales, and she makes a disgusted sound at the back of her throat. Kate looks down, too, seeing an unfamiliar face on Victoria's phone under the name 'Royce'. She pulls back, letting out a sigh. "Are you gonna be okay? You don't have to answer the call."</p><p>Victoria's expression hardens, and she shakes her head. "Oh, yes I do. I have to tell him he's getting divorced." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. You Should Be Sad</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victoria has some tough conversations, facing not only her marriage but her life in Arcadia Bay.</p><p>Also, as an aside, pls play You Should Be Sad by Halsey to properly vibe w the chapter. If you want.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW for: Mentions of abuse, death, sexual assault, transphobia.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Victoria's eyes met Kate's, phone cradled delicately in her hand as if it were a bomb. They sit in silence, the bliss from their short moment fading to give way to the tension rolling off of Victoria in waves.</p><p>"I can go," Kate offers, tone free of that usual hint that the person really wants to stay and is only offering privacy to not come off nosy.</p><p>For that, Victoria decides she should stay. "No, it's okay. I mean. If you wanna stay... I wouldn't <em>hate</em> it."</p><p>They both laugh, and it's a welcome distraction from what's about to come. But Victoria can't put it off forever. She lets out a sigh, shifting to pull her feet up onto the bed and crossing her legs, moving her phone to one hand to lace the fingers of her free hand into Kate's fingers. First and foremost, she picks up her phone and swipes to her settings, setting it to record her call. Then she moves to her voicemails, and sets her phone down. It's faint, but she can feel her fingers shaking as they're interlocked in Kate's. Taking a breath in, holding it, and letting it it out with a <em>whoosh</em>, she presses down on Royce's name in bright, vibrant red. </p><p>It rings once, twice, three—</p><p>"Victoria, <em>darling</em>." For all the times her mother said her name like it was a slur, for all the times it was screamed at her by Royce or her parents, she's never heard it said with so much ice and hatred. If she weren't staring at the screen, she'd swear a frost had spread through the speaker. "What a relief to hear from my dear wife! I thought surely something terrible had happened to you." </p><p>"Really? You'd call your dead wife a.... What was it? A 'spiteful cunt'?" She snorts, and on the other end of the line Royce grunts in irritation. "How sweet. Well, lucky you, I'm alive and well. And we need to talk." </p><p>"I'll be happy to talk all you want once you get home. I'd book you a ticket myself, but all my money's been wiped from my account. You must be having a fantastic vacation. Whereabouts? The Bahamas... Tahiti? Or somewhere.... Intellectual? Rome? Paris? Greece?" </p><p>Victoria's lip curls, and practically spits venom as she snaps, "How stupid do you think I am? I'm not telling you where I am."</p><p>"Well, you're stupid enough to walk out on the only man who would know what you are and still marry you, so..." He chuckles, and Victoria looks up at Kate in confusion. </p><p>"What the fuck are you—" It clicks, and Victoria inhales so sharply she almost chokes. He knows. And he knows without her having told him, for this exact reason. She wants to explode, to curse him until she's hoarse and hang up. But then, he'll win. And anyway, the idiot just spouted transphobic bullshit on a recorded call. If nothing else, she can hurt his career. She closes her eyes, counts to ten, and breathes slowly. When her gaze meets Kate's again, it's all quiet, icy rage, freezing through her tone as she finally speaks again. "Who told you?"</p><p>"Oh, Vicky,—"</p><p>"Victoria."</p><p>"Come on. You can guess." She can hear him smiling through the phone, smug and cruel, plain as day in her mind's eye. He sighs when she doesn't take the bait, disappointed, and relents. "My parents' lawyers did a little digging during our engagement, and found photos from a few years back of you and your parents at Seattle Pride. Took it to your parent's lawyers, and they explained how you got away with it. No wonder I didn't know, getting your little makeover at what, twelve? Lots of time to fix things."</p><p>Kate opens her mouth, looking more furious than Victoria's seen her, but Victoria shakes her head wildly, mouthing, "No!" </p><p>Victoria digs her nails into the heels of her palm, a nervous habit she's never been able to shake. It doesn't hurt anymore, white crescent moon scars taking the brunt of it. The mild sting refocuses her, and she scowls at the phone. "If that's how you see me, why do you even want me to come back? Why did you want to get <em>married</em>?"</p><p>"Why do people like you and I do anything, Vicky—"</p><p>Visibly cringing at the nickname, she snapped, "Don't call me that, and don't <em>ever</em> infer we're the same." </p><p>"—And don't <em>you</em> interrupt me. As I was saying, money. My brothers are all married into families with connections on the East Coast. But none of them have connections in Seattle. In the art world. You and your family are useful." </p><p>"Oh, fuck you. Do my parents kno—"</p><p>"—Thank God your plastic surgeon did a decent job on your face, because you're a dumb fucking bitch. It's quid pro quo. I and my family get connections on the West Coast, they get access to every connection we have." </p><p>Whilst Kate looks close to some kind of explosion, Victoria just scoffs. "Well. Then. You, and them, can quid pro quo each other right up the ass. I want a divorce, Royce. I'm doing you a service by giving you advance notice." </p><p>"Ah, ah, ah! You stole from me, Victoria. You took my money. Do you really want to pull the trigger and blow this whole thing for yourself before it even starts? Five grand isn't a small number. Well, not to the courts, anyway." </p><p>Victoria sags, and Kate blanches next to her, eyes widening. Refusing to let him know he's gotten even an ounce of a reaction, she bristles, "That money is still technically both of ours. And you make that much in... what, a week? Two weeks?"</p><p>"A crime is still a crime." </p><p>"I will transfer your money back when we hang up. But then I'm starting the divorce proceedings."</p><p>"Oh?" The nastiness dripping off his tone made her nauseous. He sounded like he had her cornered. Thankfully, he didn't leave her hanging long. "With what money?"</p><p>Victoria grit her teeth, lip curling with disgust. "I have a job, Royce. I can get money."</p><p>"And until then, what? Living on the street? I can't tell you what I'd pay to see that. About enough to pay for a lawyer, probably. If you'd just tell me where you are so we could talk—"</p><p>"I'm not fucking telling you where I am!" For a brief moment, she lost it, screaming the words so loud her own ears hurt. Kate jerked back like she'd been slapped, and Victoria immediately felt a rush of guilt. Sucking in a breath, she spoke before Royce could beat her to it. "I'll send you the money, I'll send you the papers, and from now fucking on, you speak to me through a lawyer. Understand?" </p><p>"Last chance," he sing-songed.</p><p>"Goodbye, Royce!" Victoria hit the red button to hang up so hard that she swore she sprained her finger. Throwing her phone as if it might burn her, she went perfectly still save for her chest heaving from deep breaths in an effort to calm herself. Shifting to put her feet back on the floor, trying to ground herself and leaning over, Victoria lost track of time, only focusing on breathing. Eyes shutting, she doesn't see Kate move, pulling herself across the bed to sit behind Victoria. </p><p>"... Victoria?" Kate's voice is hushed and soothing, but only answered with a hum of acknowledgement. "Would a hug be good or bad right now?"</p><p>A shrug. </p><p>"I told you, I'm not touching you without—"</p><p>"I need a favor." Victoria's tone is blunt, matter-of-fact, more severe than she really wants to be with Kate. </p><p>"Of course, what can I do?" Kate cocked her head, eyes never leaving Victoria's face. She felt helpless, unsure what she could realistically do to make anything better right now.</p><p>"I need you to—" Victoria swallowed hard, filled with horror as she realized her eyes were already stinging. "—To take pictures. Of the bruises. If I wait too long, they'll fade."</p><p>"Oh, Victoria." Kate wilted, leaning back onto her haunches. She felt ill at the idea. However necessary it was, she wasn't sure how much more Victoria could take. "I don't know if that's such a good idea right now. You need time to recover—" </p><p>"And I'll get it! <em>After</em> the pictures. <em>Okay</em>?" Her tone is razor sharp, her gaze steely. She softens a fraction, regret seeping into her features. When she speaks again, her voice is low and soft, pleading. "Please, Kate? I can't deal with police or a hospital or whatever right now. I trust you. And I need your help." </p><p>Kate studied her face carefully. Truthfully, it wasn't just Victoria's discomfort she was thinking of. It had been years since the video, since Mark Jefferson had been found dead in the bunker, but it had taken nearly as long to grow out of her fear of being around them. Being behind one wasn't nearly as difficult as having her photo taken, granted, but the nature of the photos were a touch too close for comfort. Hazel eyes locked onto honey brown, silently contemplating for a long moment before she sighed. "Okay. Yes. I'll help." </p><p>"God, thank you!" Victoria surged forward, wrapping Kate in a hug that threatened to crush her. The embrace relaxed after a few seconds, but Victoria held on for another half a minute, before pulling away, her expression bordering on bashful. "Sorry." </p><p>"For what?" Kate smiled, laughing quietly. "Hugging me? It was nice, Victoria. It's okay to hug me." </p><p>"It was weird, and too long, and—" </p><p>"You're allowed to want affection." </p><p>"Oh, my god, we're so not doing this right now. Grab my camera. Carefully!" Almost shouting the last word, Victoria put her hands on her cheeks, blowing out a breath of air and smiling apologetically at Kate. "Sorry. It's like my baby." </p><p>"It's okay. I get it. I'll be careful." Kate returns the smile in kind, before turning to pull the camera out of it's case.</p><p>Behind her, Victoria carefully unbuttons her shirt, examining the bruises herself as they come into view. Twin ugly bruises wrap around her wrists, fainter ones in various states of healing following suit all the way up her forearms. Her neck isn't as bad from what she can see in her phone camera when she checks, greenish-yellow fingerprints bruised down one side of her neck, the matching thumb on the other side. As she slips off her shirt, though, the biggest and worst take her breath away. On her chest, perfectly mirroring each other, are two huge hand prints, with a massive one on her back from where she connected with the wall when Royce shoved her. Initially, after slipping out of her shirt, Victoria crosses her arms to cover herself up, realizing after that it's a bit of a moot point. Awkwardly, she folds her hands into her lap, joking, "Okay, this is exactly why I stay behind the camera, it's so weird." </p><p>"It'll be okay! I'll try to make it quick and—" Kate turns around, and the sight of the bruises, the sheer number of bruises, takes her breath away for a moment. For a fraction of a second she also notes that despite the bruises, Victoria is stunning, and despite the reasons for what they're doing, she's a little flustered. She knows it's the worst time for that, though, and Victoria beats her to speaking by a few seconds as she hurries to cover up. </p><p>"Okay, ouch, I know it's bad but that is not how a woman wants to be reacted to! Can you please wipe that pity off your face?"</p><p>Kate frowns, taking a step forward, camera in hand. "Hey, I don't.. I don't pity you. I can feel awful about what happened to you, and not pity you, Victoria. You're very, very pretty, but it's not right to think of it that way, not under the circumstances." </p><p>"A little flattery never hurts." Victoria's still pouting, but it's clearly tinged with humor, now. She loosens her crossed arms, a slight smile tugging at her lips. "Um... Start from the top down, I guess?"</p><p>"Okay. Whatever you want, you're totally in charge here. If you get uncomfortable, just tell me, and we can come back to it later." </p><p>"Kate."</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"Just... Take the pictures." </p><p>Kate does as she's told. Victoria pulls her hair up with a tie, sitting perfectly still. Both girls are quiet, making scant eye contact every few minutes, Kate showing the pictures to Victoria for review. When she takes the final pictures of Victoria's wrists, when all is said and done, she sets the camera side and gingerly takes Victoria's hand. "Hey, look at me, please?"</p><p>"Hm?" Victoria looks up, meeting Kate's gaze. </p><p>She smiles back, soft and sweet. "You're gonna get through this. I'll be right here with you, and you'll never have to see him again." </p><p>"Let's hope not." Victoria's own smile is tighter and thinner as she slides back into her shirt, doing up the buttons.</p><p>Kate watches, and just as she reaches the middle button, Kate blurts, "You're beautiful." </p><p>Fingers stop their mechanical buttoning, and Victoria blinks, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "Thank... You? I always appreciate a compliment, but now seems like a strange time to choose to hit on me. Didn't you just say that?" </p><p>"I'm not trying to—" Kate laughs, flustered, covering her face with her hands for a moment. "I know that having to be, uh, exposed like this isn't for any good reasons. And I just wanted you to feel even a little bit of good. You're beautiful, and you should hear it." </p><p>Victoria hums in understanding, her smile brightening against her best efforts to remain sour. "That's really nice, Kate. But honestly, I'd rather you tell me I'm pretty—"</p><p>"I said beautiful. Continue."</p><p>"—I'd rather you tell me I'm beautiful because you want to, unrelated to all of <em>this</em>. It's a shitty situation, and that's okay. Sometimes things can't be all good." Victoria thought for a moment, and amended, "At least not yet. The good will come later, when we get divorced and I take so much of his money it makes that five grand look like pocket change. Speaking of—"</p><p>Victoria picked up her phone, transferring the money back in minutes. She wasn't too scared, she knew she could find more jobs, but in the interim, it still didn't feel <em>good</em>.</p><p>Kate, watching her face fall, placed a hand on her shoulder. Sure, the day had had a rough start, but it could get better. "Hey, you wanna get out of here? It's a beautiful day, and there's this really nice beach nearby."</p><p>"<em>Nearby</em> for normal people, or for L.A.?" Victoria turned to look at Kate, her expression was bright enough that a playful smirk overshadowed the tiredness in her eyes.</p><p>Scoffing, Kate dropped her hand from Victoria's shoulder, shaking her head even as a smile bloomed on her face and she struggled not to laugh. "Well if don't want to go to the beach you could just say so—"</p><p>"Noooo!" Victoria whined, laughing and grabbing Kate's arm. "I'm kidding! I swear! Please, can we go?"</p><p>Kate giggled, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, okay."  </p><hr/><p>When they get to the beach, it really does look like something out of a postcard that immediately evokes a defensive protectiveness in Victoria for Seattle and New York. <em>Oh, sure, the white sandy beach stretches for miles, and the ocean looks like it might be photoshopped bluer</em>, she thinks.<em> But where's the cleansing rains of Seattle, the melt in your mouth sushi? Where's the hustle and bustle of New York streets, the buildings towering over the sidewalks so high he horizon is invisible?  What about—</em></p><p>"Isn't it just beautiful?" Kate beams at Victoria, a tote bag slung over her shoulder holding their towels and a huge blanket, as well as drinks and snacks. Then she takes in Victoria's expression, full-on glowering at the oceans surf. Laughing, Kate asks, "Are you about to fight the ocean right now?" </p><p>"Hmph. No. I've just seen better."  </p><p>"<em>Victoria</em>." Kate gave her a look somewhere between amused and exasperated. "You know Seattle and New York can't hear you right now, right?"</p><p>After a moment of grumbling, Victoria relented with a smile and a roll of her eyes. "Fine."</p><p>Taking a few minutes to set up the blankets and snacks, Victoria and Kate sprawled out, and for the first time since her fight with Royce and making the decision to leave, Victoria began to feel an inkling of peace. At least, until a cold glob hit her shoulder. She sat up fast, fearing the worst and scanning the skies for the offending bird, until she caught sight of Kate in her peripheral, sunscreen bottle in hand. "Jesus, a little warning next time? I thought—"</p><p>"Oh, I know what you thought." Kate grinned, clearly unbothered as she rubbed the lotion into Victoria's shoulders and down her back and arms. "Not gonna lie, it was a little bit funny." </p><p>"To <em>you</em>. It's like you're asking to get dunked in the water." </p><p>"You wouldn't."</p><p>"We'll see." Victoria grinned back at her, grabbing the bottle of sunscreen, twirling her finger in a circle. "Turn around, I'll get your back." </p><p>Kate did as she was asked, and as Victoria finished, she swiped Kate's cheek with sunscreen, eliciting a yelp of surprise, met only with a small smirk and a shrug feigning innocence. Once the girls were fully covered, Kate stood, doing her best not to upset the blanket. "Wanna go take a walk along the water?" </p><p>"Sure!" </p><p>So they did. They walked right down to the edge of the surf, their feet swallowed up in water every few seconds as the waves rolled in, playfully kicking water at each other to elicit laughter. For the most part, they walked in a relaxed silence, occasionally commenting on a cute dog or a fellow beach goer with a ridiculous tan or sunburn. Victoria's eyes scan the beach, the surf, the horizon as they walk, and she breaks the silence. </p><p>"Rachel should've gotten to come back here." When she turns her gaze from the beach to Kate's face, Kate's expression isn't as surprised or taken aback as Victoria expects. "Sorry, that's totally random, I just—"</p><p>"No, it's okay. Coming here always reminds me of her, too. It's a shame I only knew her for a few years, and of course I didn't really <em>know</em> her, we didn't quite run in the same circles," Kate smiles sadly. "She seemed nice, though. You two partied together, didn't you?"</p><p>"Mmm, sometimes. She wasn't in the Vortex Club, just liked our drugs." Victoria snorts, knowing full well Rachel would've agreed with her. "You of all people remember what I was like in high school. Rachel was competition. We were closer than people liked to think, though. It wasn't as entertaining as painting us as mortal enemies or something. Things were... Complicated. But that's how Rachel liked it, I guess. Looking back it's so obvious I had a huge crush on her, but whenever we got drunk at parties and made out I told myself it was for the guys. Denial is a river and that shit runs <em>deep</em>."</p><p>They both laugh, and Kate nods. "Believe me, I get it. I didn't know you two were that close though, I'm sorry."</p><p>"It's... Yeah. By the time she disappeared we weren't. I got angry at her for just disappearing because I didn't want to be sad about it. I ripped down a<em> lot</em> of her missing posters. Defaced a couple. I thought she just.... Left."</p><p>"Oh, no." Kate squeezed Victoria's hand, pausing their walk to look at her, watching her carefully. "You didn't know. How could you? You were just a kid."</p><p>Victoria inhaled sharply, staring fixedly at the ocean. "I guess, yeah. But still.... <em>Fuck</em>. I wasn't even there when they found her body after the landslides. I was at some uppity school in Seattle trying to graduate."  </p><p>"That's still not your fault," Kate insisted, looking more upset as Victoria tries to blame herself. "You couldn't have known—"</p><p>"I did, actually! So you can stop defending me," Victoria snaps.</p><p>Kate doesn't understand, sadness turning to confusion on her face.</p><p>Victoria's horrified, but she already opened the door. She started the conversation in the first place, she might as well finish it.</p><p>"I was kidnapped during the storm. Technically before, I guess? Max told me to watch out for Nathan because he was dangerous, but she was a fucking idiot, and we both wound up drugged by Mr. Jefferson, instead. He took pictures of me, and her, and us together, and did a lot of fucked up shit I <em>still</em> can't talk about. He drugged Max again and hid me in another part of his weird studio thing to make her thing I died, all the while telling her, and I, technically, everything he did to Rachel." Kate's eyes are wide with surprise, horror, and a hundred other emotions Victoria is too angry to suss out. "Madsen, that weirdo security guard, broke in, found Max, and killed Jefferson. But they thought I was dead! So yours truly got to wait out the storm in an underground torture room, tied up next to the corpse of my best friend, thinking about how I got exactly what I deserved for bullying you and not taking Rachel's disappearance the way I should have. When I got out, and got back to Seattle, I kept my fucking mouth shut, because my parents told me if I outed myself as a victim, that's all I'd ever be. My career would be because people felt <em>bad</em> for me, not because of my talent. So I didn't tell them where he buried her, or what really happened to Nathan, and—" </p><p>She finally takes a breath, and Kate wraps her in a tight hug, fingers stroking through her hair.</p><p>To say Kate is stunned is an understatement, mention of the bunker and Jefferson leaving pinpricks of anxiety on her skin. But she keeps a hold on Victoria, murmuring in her ear the things she'd learned over years of therapy, the kinds of things she wished people had said to her back then. "It's not your fault, Victoria. None of it is your fault. It's Mr. Jefferson's fault. He did unspeakable things, and you had no way of knowing what happened until it happened to you. You were a victim, too, and now you're a survivor." </p><p>"God damn it, Kate—" Victoria laughed wetly, the noise muffled in Kate's hair along with her words.</p><p>Puzzled, Kate pulled back, to see Victoria wiping tears from her eyes. She frowned, wiping some strays that Victoria missed. "I'm sorry! I was trying to help—"</p><p>"You did! Totally. But I've cried every day I've been here so far and that kinda sucks. Not your fault, though." Victoria sighed, raking a hand through her hair, expression turning thoughtful as she looks at Kate. "Well... My <em>face</em> is already wet..."</p><p>"...No," Kate smiles hesitantly, taking a few cautious steps backwards. "You can't be serious. We're still dressed!" </p><p>"We're wearing our swimsuits, they're just under our clothes." </p><p>"Yes. <em>Under</em>. Don't you care about your clothes?" Kate was sure she'd gotten Victoria there, but Victoria just shook her head as she advanced on Kate. </p><p>"I'll live. I mean, yes, but these? Not really. They can be dry cleaned. Not like it's cashmere." Victoria saw her opportunity and grabbed her, picking her up bridal style leaving her to hold on for dear life. </p><p>"Victoria! Come on. Really? Are we really doing this?" Kate stared at her in disbelief, unable to stop laughing as she was carried into the ocean.</p><p>Victoria walked until the water was at mid-thigh, studied Kate's face in search of any genuine upset, and, seeing none, unceremoniously dropped her into the ocean. Kate did her best to look angry and failed, and Victoria laughed so hard her lungs hurt, up until Kate yanked her ankle, pulling her down into the water alongside her. Both girls looked at each other in complete silence for all of a few seconds before bursting into laughing, holding onto each other in an effort to not be washed away by the waves. When they got up, finally deciding to head back to the towels, both women were guilty of sneaking a few glances at the way each other's wet clothes stuck snug and transparent to their bodies, followed by flushed cheeks and quick glances away. Kate catches Victoria looking first, teasing, "Whatcha looking at?" </p><p>Not to be outdone, even as a blush creeps up her neck, Victoria shoots back, "You, why would I look at anything else?" </p><p>Kate briefly struggles to find a reply, her cheeks immediately going pink and any words dissolving into giggles. At last finding her words, Kate stuttered out a giddy thanks as Victoria helped her out of the water.</p><p>Once back at the blanket, they dried off as best they could, grazed on the snacks they'd brought, and tanned and read in the sun with scattered bits and pieces of conversation here and there, and brief splashes in the ocean when it got too warm. They remained this way for a few hours, until an alarm went off on Kate's phone, and she sat up from laying out to tan. </p><p>"Oh! It's almost two, we should be getting back." Victoria shot her a quizzical look, and she explained, "Lynn gets out of school around two forty-five. I like to be there when she gets home, it's a safety thing for both of us. And... We have to talk. All of us." </p><p>"What? Why?"</p><p>Kate bit her lip, fidgeting. "I want you to stay with us as long as you want, but it's not just my house, it's Lynn's, too. So I want to talk to her about if she's okay with you staying, since she's..."</p><p>Victoria chuckled. "She hates me." </p><p>"She's protective. But she's also kind and compassionate and I think if she understood even a little of what was going on, she'd let you stay. She needs to make that call, though." Kate reached out to squeeze Victoria's hand. "Please don't misunderstand. Even if Lynn isn't okay with it, you wouldn't just be... Out. I'd help you find a place to stay, and we can still hang out." </p><p>"Why does this feel like you're trying to break up with me?"</p><p>"That's not funny, Victoria." </p><p>Victoria wrinkled her nose, doing her best impression of Kate's voice. "It's a little funny." </p><p>"You're.... Ugh! You're lucky you're cute, and you're very <em>cute</em> when you're worried. Help me pack everything up?" Kate folded the towels, Victoria packed up the snacks, and together they rolled up the massive blanket, forcing everything back into the tote with impressive efficiency. All too soon they're packed up and heading back home. The two separate to shower off the ocean water, and minutes after Victoria curls up on the couch to look up lawyers, Lynn walks through the door. </p><p>"Hey, Ka—" Lynn does a double take, realizing the blonde isn't her sister, and her expression sours. "Oh. Nope. Don't talk to me." </p><p>Victoria rolled her eyes, replying, "Kate's taking a shower, go play with your Polly Pockets or whatever."</p><p>"I am <em>fourteen</em>." Lynn looked close to murdering Victoria, who just beamed back. </p><p>Kate walked back into the living room, a towel wrapped around her hair, and froze when she saw the looks being traded across the living room, but brightened quickly. "Oh good, you're home! We have some things we need to talk about. You're not in trouble, it's not about you, but I do need your input, okay?"</p><p>Casting one last look at Victoria, Lynn followed Kate into her bedroom, unsure of what was to follow. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. This is Me Trying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kate and Lynn discuss if Victoria can stay, and Victoria faces down some of her worse coping mechanisms.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for disappearing! I was going to write this sooner but then Folklore dropped and I had to have time to cope LOL. TWs for this chapter include alcohol and drug use, and suicidal ideation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In an effort to get out some of the rage bubbling quick to the surface, Lynn slammed her door with as much effort as she could. Just the action of shoving it was enough, though, and she caught the knob before it could slam shut, giving Kate a thin but sheepish smile. She stood, waiting with crossed arms for Kate to sit on her bed. Her brows were already knit, head preparing to shake as Kate began talking.</p><p>"I need to talk to you about Victoria, okay?" Kate smiled, the expression cautious.</p><p>Lynn shrugged, scoffing. "What's there to talk about? She's a bitch, probably crashing here for some job because none of her fancy industry 'friends' want her around."</p><p>"Lynn!" Kate blanched, rearing back a little. "Don't— Be angry all you want, but don't talk about people like that. You don't know what people are going through." </p><p>"Is she being bullied? Is she going to kill herself? I don't think I'd care even then. Call it karma." </p><p>"Linda Josephine—" Kate's voice was still devoid of real anger, but stern and steadfast. "Do you understand what you're saying? What you're really saying? Almost a decade after the fact, after I've forgiven her, you want her to be harassed, to the point where she ends her life? Where her friends and family will suffer even more pain than what I put you through? Do she, and they, really deserve that? Do I deserve to feel that loss?"</p><p>Pink flooded into Lynn's cheeks, deepening to red. Her expression shifted from embarrassment to shame to defensiveness in a matter of seconds, all the while Kate waited patiently, watching her. After a beat, "No. I guess not."</p><p>"Good enough, I guess." Kate's expression relaxed a fraction as she wrapped her arms around her to hug her, voice muffled in her sister's shoulder until she let go. "Two wrongs don't make a right. And Victoria has done her best, from the minute I went to the hospital, to make things right. I want to meet her halfway, and I hope you'll do that with me." </p><p>"She said I should go play with Polly Pockets. I wasn't even alive for whatever that is. Ugh, I should've said 'okay boomer'."</p><p>That got a laugh out of Kate, however hard she tried to hide it. "You don't have to be best friends. Just... Be kind. Keep that in mind with what I'm about to say." </p><p>"Wha—" Lynn shot her a quizzical look, confusion quickly turning to dread. "What is it?" </p><p>"Well. She's going through some really difficult stuff—"</p><p>"—Like what?"</p><p>"It's incredibly personal, I'm not confident she'd be comfortable with me sharing it."</p><p>"Boo! Boring." </p><p>"Lynn—"</p><p>"Okay, okay! Sorry." </p><p>"She's going through some difficult stuff, and needs a place to stay..."</p><p>"Sucks for her." Lynn's eyes narrowed suspiciously as realization set in, before widening. "Oh, no. Nononono. Hell no. Fuck no. Kate, you can't be serious!" </p><p>"I am. But," Kate exhaled gently, reaching for Lynn's hand. "Nothing happens without your permission. This is your home, too. You get a say."</p><p>"Absolutely not. She's not staying." Lynn shook her head, so furiously she felt dizzy. With some good luck, she'd wake up and find this was just a terrible dream. But the dizziness subsided, and she was still there. "She's like, super rich, right? Can't she just buy a mansion?"</p><p>"Well, no, part of that is that this... Thing... She's going through is very expensive. And her money was taken from her." </p><p>"Ha! She got robbed?" Lynn snorted, but her brief joy died at the expression on Kate's face. </p><p>"No... Like I said, it's complicated."</p><p>"Dude, just tell me." </p><p>"... If I do, it doesn't leave this room. No matter what you feel towards her, you do not use this against her. We do not punch down. Understand?"</p><p>"I... Okay? Whatever." Lynn scrunched her nose, already a little disinterested from the effort it was taking to get the dirty details. </p><p>"She... Grew up in a home like ours." Kate swallowed, squeezing Lynn's hand even as tears stung the back of her eyes. "Even with all the loss... We're no longer under those pressures. We're free. Victoria... Isn't. She married into it, with pressure from her parents. And now... She wants out. She has no one to go to, and both her parents and her husband are pressuring her to go back. He has all her money. She needs us right now." </p><p>Lynn smirked, chuckling. "Nice, she left her husband for you." </p><p>"What?! No! We're not—" Kate turned beet red, taking a moment to collect herself, shaking off the embarrassment. When she speaks, she's once again calm. "That's not why. And as much as I understand why it looks that way, it discredits that she wanted to leave on her own free will, and it took a lot of bravery to do that." </p><p>"Fiiiiiiine. Sorry." </p><p>"It's okay. Still... I understand if you don't want her here." </p><p>Lynn puffed up proudly. "You're right, I don't. Get her out." </p><p>"No, we're telling her together."</p><p>"Shit, okay! Lemme at her!" Lynn stood, one step towards the door when Kate catches her wrist in a gentle hold.</p><p>"Do you understand what that means, though? Really? You have to look her in the eye and tell a battered woman that she doesn't have a safe haven. That your personal grudge means more than doing the right thing. I may not agree with you, but I will be there with you when we tell her. But I can't help but be—"</p><p>"—Oh, don't say it—"</p><p>"—disappointed in you, Lynn. But I want you to learn whatever you can from this, so I will stand with whatever you decide." </p><p>"Do I seriously have to tell her? I'm a kid!" </p><p>"We're telling her together. And you're a teenager. Old enough to be responsible for the choices you make that affect others."</p><p>Lynn gawked at Kate, trying desperately to feel betrayed. But deep down she knew the choice she was going to make. Expression souring, she mumbled, "Okay, whatever, you win. She can stay."</p><p>"I'm not going to force you, if you don't want her to—"</p><p>"—I want her to stay! Okay? Ugh!" Lynn groaned, throwing her head back in frustration as she wailed. When she looked back down at Kate, her expression was resolute. "I want her to stay because it's right or whatever. I still hate her. She's still a bitch." </p><p>"That's... You're allowed to feel what you feel." Kate smiled, attempting to smother relieved giggles as she released Lynn's hand to wrap her in a hug. "I'm so proud of you. You know that, right?"</p><p>Lynn scoffed, rolling her eyes, but the pleased smile and pink rising in her cheeks cut right through her teen angst pride. "Thaaaaanks, Kate." </p><p>Kate stood to join Lynn, the sisters walking out into the living room together. </p><p>Victoria looked up from her phone, having reached out to several contacts for prospective jobs, as Kate and Lynn walked back into view. She watched them approach with wary dark eyes, just waiting for them to say she couldn't stay. That she needed to get her shit together by herself, and Kate had already done more than enough. </p><p>But that never comes. Kate and Lynn sit at the other free spots at the table, and Victoria pulls herself up off the couch to join them. </p><p>"So..." Victoria laughs awkwardly, looking between Kate and Lynn. "This feels like an intervention, not gonna lie." </p><p>Lynn scowls, and the comment even earns a barely-noticeable cringe from Kate, who answers with a smile, "Nope! No intervention. It's good news, I promise. We... Would like you to stay with us. However long you need." </p><p>"Wait, really?" Victoria perks up, surprised, immediately looking from Kate to Lynn and back again. "Both of you?" </p><p>"I still hate you," Lynn interjects. "But Kate's a literal angel and wants to help you out, and I want her to be happy, so... Yeah." </p><p>Kate gives Lynn a look, and the girl sticks her tongue out but falls quiet. "If you're going to stay with us, Victoria, we do have some ground rules."</p><p>"....Oh?" There's the catch, she thought. "Like what?" </p><p>"No alcohol or drugs in the house. As an adult, you can go drinking if you want, just... Don't get too messed up, you know? Smoking is fine, just keep it outside. If you're going to party, just... Crash with a friend? I don't want Lynn around it."</p><p>"Sure. Yeah. No problem." Victoria's stomach sank as she smiled, growling all the way down. She thought about the pancakes she'd turned down in order to get drunk later, mentally tacking on getting high as a reward for not eating.</p><p>"If you're gonna be gone, just... Check in. Let me know you're okay, when you might be back." </p><p>"Can do!" </p><p>"Um.... That's it, pretty much. Anything you'd like to—"</p><p>"And don't go in my room!" Lynn blurted the order so suddenly it made Victoria jump, then laugh. </p><p>"Wasn't going to, anyway," Victoria shot back. </p><p>"Well!" Kate spoke, lightly clapping her hands for attention. "Glad we got this all sorted out! It's gotten a little late, why don't we start on dinner? Everyone can help." </p><p>"I'm not really a cook," Victoria admitted sheepishly.</p><p>Kate seemed unfazed, still smiling. "No worries! You can always learn! C'mon, it'll be fun!"</p><p>"... Okay. What are we making?"</p><p>Kate turned her gaze on Lynn, gesturing for her to take the floor. "Lynn? What are we making?"</p><p>"Uhhhhhhh. I dunno. Something with... Potatoes?" </p><p>"Okay! Why not something simple," Kate opened her phone, flipping through recipe websites until she found one and read it off. "Garlic butter chicken and potatoes? It's just baked chicken and potato wedges."</p><p>"That sounds so good! Yes!"</p><p>Kate looked up at Victoria, who hadn't spoken in a moment. "Sound okay to you?"</p><p>"Mhmm. Sounds great." Victoria smiled thinly, shifting her weight. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something felt off, as if she were just watching Kate and Lynn live their lives, and she was a bystander occasionally tagged in for a scene. </p><p>Lynn got up first, trotting towards the kitchen, quickly followed by Kate. Victoria spaced out, floating off to another planet before Kate called her name, snapping her out of it and beckoning her over. The preparation itself went decently, with Victoria put in charge of chopping herbs and potatoes, mentally tallying the calories all the way. She hadn't eaten breakfast, she probably couldn't drink now, maybe it was okay to eat a quarter portion. Maybe a third if she really went crazy. The biggest shock came after, when Victoria grabbed her plate and headed for Kate's room. </p><p>"Victoria, where are you going?" Kate's muffled voice hit her ears just as she put her hand on the doorknob.</p><p>Turning, Victoria called back, "... Eating my dinner?" </p><p>Even from across the small apartment, Victoria could hear Kate's quiet laughter. "No! Come eat dinner with us, we're a family." </p><p>What kind of Brady Bunch Bullshit— Victoria sighed, doing her best to ignore the off-putting feeling settling into her gut. "Be right there!" </p><p>Coming around the corner, Victoria awkwardly set her plate down, watching Kate and Lynn talk as she picked at her food, occasionally taking a bite. </p><p>"Lynn you have finals.... Next week, right?" </p><p>Lynn made a face like she'd bitten into a lemon. "Ugh, yeah. Don't remind me." </p><p>"Are you good with everything? Need me to help quiz you?" </p><p>"No, I'll be fine. School's stupid, anyway."</p><p>"Aw, come on! Aren't you a little excited? You're almost done with middle school! Only a few more weeks!" Kate smiled, getting a little misty-eyed.</p><p>In return, Lynn made a sound like a cat about to throw up. "Oh, my god. You don't need to freak out. It's just middle school. No big deal... But there's a small graduation thing. In like, two weeks." </p><p>"Oh yay!" Kate squealed, looking delighted. "I can't wait!" </p><p>Kate's gaze caught Victoria's, and something in Victoria's expression made Kate's heart drop. Under the table, she reaches over to find Victoria's hand. </p><p>The feeling of fingers brushing her hand makes Victoria jump out of her skin, but she recognizes the softness of Kate's hand, and turns her own over to Kate's. It should make her feel better, she wants it to make her feel better. But it just feels like Kate trying to force her to fit somewhere she isn't wanted. If anything, she'll probably just cause a rift between Lynn and Kate until it boils over and she's asked to leave. In the midst of her thoughts, Kate shoots her a concerned look, but she evades it to take a bite of her food. It's good, but she's fucking up so many things already there's no way she can let herself finish it. Through the rest of the dinner, Victoria mindlessly picks at it, until she's been there long enough to excuse herself. </p><p>"Hey, I actually have plans tonight, so I need to go get ready. This was great, thanks so much for teaching me to cook!" Victoria's babbling, and she knows it, feeling like there's an unseen time bomb under her skin. The scraping of the chair seems to take whole minutes off the invisible timer, grating against her bones as she stands. "See you guys later! Or tomorrow! Whatever!" </p><p>She all but flees from the room into Kate's bedroom busying herself doing her makeup to avoid the way her anxiety is making her hands shake. As she's pulling on a dress, a short, tight, little-black-dress of a thing, Kate opens the door. </p><p>"Hey, you alright?" Kate's expression is earnest, worried. </p><p>Victoria looks at her through the full length mirror, forcing a smile. "Yup! Just totally spaced out, silly me, and forgot I made plans! Can you zip me up? Thanks!" </p><p>"Of course." Kate obliges, her fingers gently zipping the dress, making sure not to pinch any of Victoria's skin in it. Not able to look over Victoria's shoulder, she looks around her instead to smile at her in the mirror. "You look amazing. Where are you off to?"</p><p>"Oh, a friend's having a party for industry people. Said I could use it to network or whatever. Figured I should, since..." Since you bombed your whole life and are just now realizing you're pretty much all alone in the world and nobody's first priority.</p><p>"— Since you did something incredibly brave by starting over?" Kate smiles, hugging Victoria's shoulder's. "I'm so proud of you." </p><p>"Yeah leaving one person to be another person's burden, go me!" Victoria cheer sarcastically, hurriedly waving it off when she saw Kate's face. "Totally kidding. I just want to... Celebrate my newfound freedom. You know?"</p><p>"Yeah! Be safe, okay?" Kate slipped her arms around Victoria's waist, burying her face between Victoria's shoulder blades for just a moment. </p><p>Victoria's stomach sank into her feet, splashing across the floor as she was consumed with guilt. Quietly, she murmured, "I'll be fine. I have to go." </p><p>Even as she rode the glass and marble elevator to the roof of the hotel, watching Los Angeles disappear below her, she could hear the party. Seeing it, though, was even better. Beautiful people dressed even more beautifully milled about, some drinking, some talking, some dancing. Only a few steps in, Victoria heard her name rise up in a cheer from somewhere in the room, before she was swept up by a group of her friends. The weight she'd carried around seems to lift the moment her friends line up shots in front of her, pouring some expensive vodka along the row. To the cheers demanding her to drink, she downs them all and throws up her hands in a cheer.</p><p>"Fuck yes! Gimme something else, too. Oooh, a glass of red?" </p><p>"Taking it slow tonight, V?" Jada, a model Victoria had met on her first job in L.A., teases.</p><p>Victoria laughs, shaking her head. "Hell no! I'm still taking shots, I just wanna look classy, too." </p><p>"Oh, well if we're being classy," Yvonne, a makeup artist well-known in L.A., whines, "I guess we can't go do lines in the bathroom. Kinda thought that was our thing, too. Bummer." </p><p>Victoria already had a snarky retort on the tip of her tongue, before Kate's face popped into into her mind. Kate, who was helping her freely, she thought. But as soon as she through it, she got angry. Not freely, she wanted to make all those stupid rules. I got out of a shitty controlling marriage, I don't need a girl— A roommate like that. She knew that wasn't fair, that Kate just wanted to keep Lynn safe and help Victoria get sober. But what she wanted right now was to implode, and that would win out. Clasping Yvonne's hands, Victoria grinned. "Fuck it! Let's go!"</p><p>She was high even as the three of them walked to the bathroom. No drugs in her system yet, just misplaced anger and the adrenaline of rebelling was enough. The three women walked through the party like deities, people moving to let them pass, and it reminded Victoria almost too much of Blackwell. It always did. Yvonne sets everything up, the little powder lines in freakish precision. She snorts the first, using a hundred dollar bill, then passes it off to Victoria, who follows suit. Victoria rights herself and scoots to the side to allow Jada the last hit. Hand already on the door, Victoria can feel the high hit her, and grins. "Ladies, I'm going back to get more drinks. Requests?" </p><p>"Uhhhh, yeah! How 'bout a sex on the beach!" Yvonne dissolves into giggles at Victoria's expression.</p><p>"Oh come on, do you even know what's in that?"</p><p>"... Do i have to? It's fun to say! And hey, maybe it'll get you brownie points with the cute bartender. You did just get divorced, right?" Yvonne elbows her playfully. </p><p>Victoria scowls, not wanting to be reminded. "No, I just... Started proceedings. Can we not talk about that shit right now? I'm trying to be distracted. Duh." </p><p>"Fine, okay! Sorry, Ms. Sassy! Just order me... Whatever. I'm just saying, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." </p><p>Victoria's heart sank when she realized she wasn't immediately sure whether she was supposed to be getting over Royce or Kate. Royce, she could care less about, and Kate hadn't even given her a chance to be with her, much less a need to get over her. But she ordered the drinks, as well as ordering herself six more shots. By then she was for-sure drunk, unfortunately nowhere near blacking out just yet. But as she downed the shot, things began to get fuzzy at the edges, and it was a little harder to keep it together. Finally, she felt comfortable, the worries from the day—Kate, Royce, or otherwise—seemed millions of miles away. She lost patches of time, sometimes finding herself mid-conversation with Jada and Yvonne and their various friends, other times ordering more drinks, or tangled up in a stranger. It didn't entirely matter, she just did not want to feel. She used to do something similar, when things got too heavy at Blackwell, where she'd drink until she was sure she'd die, waiting for someone—Anyone—to realize she wasn't okay and take care of her. It never happened, and she'd usually have to ask someone to take her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped. It became something of a joke, that before brunch every Sunday they'd pick Victoria up from the E.R. But no one ever stopped to think why she was doing it. Safe to say, no one here would, either.</p><p>Early the next morning, as the three of them stumbled into the elevator still insanely drunk, Victoria slurred, "Where're we goin' now?"</p><p>Yvonne and Jada looked at each other before breaking into peals of laughter, Jada eventually answering, "Getting more drinks! Duh. And more coke. Perk us up a little." </p><p>"Mmm. Got it." Victoria looked down at her phone through bleary eyes, seeing the string of texts and calls from Kate. Looking up at her friends, then back down at the phone, Victoria mentally juggled her prospects. But behind the crests of her friends' heads, she could see the sun coming up, the same periwinkle blue sky she and Kate had seen, and stopped just outside the elevator when it opened. "Ladies, I gotta go. I have somewhere to be. Thanks for last night!" </p><p>The uber took only minutes to drop her off at a different hotel. As soon as she got up to the room, she raided the mini-bar, tossing aside anything that didn't have any alcohol, and as soon as it was emptied, called the front desk to restock it. Just before she really blacked out, Victoria texted Kate.</p><p><strong>[TXT]:</strong> hey its me. have fun w ur family or w/e, ur perfect w/o me, i dont wanna fuuck it up. bye. oh ps. im at [redacted], if u dont hear from me n a few weeks call the hotel lol. </p><p>The next morning, a full twenty-four-hours later, Victoria woke up in a hospital bed, something beeping irritatingly in time with a roaring headache. Groaning loudly, she covered her face with her hands to block out the fluorescent lights, and someone nearby squeaked with joy. </p><p>"Oh, you're okay! You're awake!"</p><p>A shadow blocked the bright lights, and Victoria lowered her hands, to see a very shaken Kate. Looking confused, Victoria asked, "What are you doing here? What am I doing here?"</p><p>"I... I got your text. Victoria, I had no idea you were taking things so badly. I should have, I know, but I was just enjoying having you with us, and I wanted to help. I still want to! But now I know how."</p><p>"... How?" Victoria's eyes narrowed suspiciously, and Kate smiled right back.</p><p>"I want to put you in a program for addicts."</p><p>"It was one night, isn't that a little dramatic?"</p><p>"It was two nights, and it would've continued if I hadn't called 911."</p><p>"Can't I just... Go to AA with you or something?"</p><p>"Sure, after the program. You need to unlearn these coping mechanisms and really heal."</p><p>"Are you serious?"</p><p>"Yep. Don't worry, I'll still visit! And you have a place with us when you get back."</p><p>"And if I... Don't go?"</p><p>"Then unfortunately I can't help you. I can't... I'm still dealing with addiction every day, and it would be too tempting."</p><p>"...Shit. Fine."</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. If You Never Try, You'll Never Know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Victoria works her way through a rehabilitation program, whilst also working through her divorce, and attempting to reinvent herself, again.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Haha! I really dropped off for several entire months. Happy  December! Sorry!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The place Victoria picked for her stay was luxurious, that was a necessity. If she was going to have to bullshit her way through this, she was going to do it somewhere good. The first day, she really had herself convinced she could do this. Just lie for the next 90 days, tell the therapists some sob story about Royce, and get back to being a free woman. She charmed the receptionist who gave her the intake forms, even complimenting her on her obviously fake gold bracelet. The therapist, an older man with graying hair and a not-too-tragic fake tan, was a little more hard to get a feel for, seemingly detached and unimpressed with Victoria. As Victoria beamed at him, sticking her hand out, he returned the smile with a thin, pressed expression. He gestured for her to sit as he closed the door to his office, and Victoria felt her throat go dry as the door clicked shut. Suddenly not so sure she could do this, she swallowed hard, something that seemed to echo and bounce across the walls of the small office. The therapist sat across from her, pen and notepad at the ready. "So... Victoria. Would you like me to call you Victoria?" He kept his eyes on her, and for one paranoid moment Victoria felt like he could already tell she was planning to lie.</p><p>"Victoria is fine. Just... Not Tori. Eugh."</p><p>"Noted." He scribbled on the notepad, smiling for an instant that passed so quickly Victoria nearly missed it in her annoyance with the scratch of pen on paper. "I'm Dr. Kessler. Why don't you tell me a little about why you checked in? I see you checked in voluntarily—"</p><p>Victoria nodded, clenching her teeth. "Yes. I did. A—A friend thought I needed help, and although I think that may be a result of her sheltered upbringing and inexperience with alcohol outside of some trauma, I wanted to reassure her. So I'm here."</p><p>As Dr. Kessler hummed in response, writing more, Victoria's stomach dropped, heavy with guilt. What would Kate think of her now? Sure, it was all fake, just to get out, but still.</p><p>"What was the inciting incident? That brought you here?" Dr. Kessler waited, pen poised over paper, eyes boring into Victoria soul.</p><p>"I... Got carried away. I'm a professional photographer, and there was an industry event. Lots of drugs and booze going around...."</p><p>
  <em>The hotel room spun, Victoria mumbling angrily to herself. 'Fuck Kate, and Lynn, and their stupid perfect family. I'm an adult! I don't need people telling me what to do. Shit, if I wanted that, I'd stay with Royce.' Her bleary gaze lit up, grabbing her phone. Pulling up Royce's number she hit 'Call' before any kind of impulse control caught up to her. Putting it on speaker, she zig-zagged her way across the suite floor to the mini fridge, pulling as many tiny bottles as she could hold out. Uncapping one at random, she downed it, and uncapped the next as the phone rang, chugging it down as Royce's cold, albeit confused voice came through the phone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Tori? Don't tell me, you've finally seen the error of your ways? I've missed y—"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Roy. I just wanted to call and tell you... Uh..." She wrinkled her nose, giggling. "You suck. You might have my parents fooled, but, like, don't think they'll be on your side forever. You're gonna lose. Siding with a domestic abuser? It would ruin them! Sure, they'll never talk to me again, but thank fucking God, y'know? Thanks for that, at least."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're drunk, Victoria. As usual. You really think that's a good look? What court would take you seriously? Hell, I could probably say you attacked me in a drunken tantrum. And a drunk dial? Oh, Victoria. This is so over for you. You want to talk about losing? You'll be written out of your parents wills before you can blink. And I'm going to take as much from you as I can. And then I'll get my industry friends to destroy your reputation, and then—"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Victoria hung up the call, opening another bottle, then another, and drinking both immediately. Then she did it again. Over the next twenty minutes, Victoria gutted the mini fridge of all it's alcohol. She could feel it, that she was going too far, but she felt oddly in control. She used to do this at Vortex Club parties, push herself as far as she could until someone noticed she was overdosing and took her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped and sleep off the hangover. It was a kind of half-assed suicide that didn't feel like it was really her fault at all. As her stomach turned and the warmth started to seep from her body, Victoria weaved her way to the bathroom, drawing the hottest bath she could, slipping into the water and stretching out. She felt weightless and dizzy, on the verge of not-quite-existing as she soaked. Lying in the bathtub, it seemed infinitely more difficult to keep her eyes open, and eventually, she stopped trying, even when  the hotel door exploded into the suite, from the brute force of several EMTs she couldn't regain consciousness enough to tell them she was fine. </em>
</p><p>"Mhm, sure. But not everybody in 'the industry' ends up here after every party with a blood-alcohol content at .36." Dr. Kessler leaned back, hands folding in his lap as he looked at Victoria. </p><p>Victoria, in turn, was gaping at him, brows knitted together so hard it was giving her a headache. She couldn't tell if she was impressed or enraged by his bluntness. Gathering herself back together, Victoria shook her head. "I—I mean not really. I'm just starting the process of divorce with my husband of almost a decade, but it's my idea, it's not like I'm sad—"</p><p>"And is he 'in the industry' too?" </p><p>Victoria's eyes narrowed at the way Dr. Kessler said 'in the industry', but let it slide. "No. He's a lawyer." </p><p>"So he stands to do better in the divorce proceedings than you, already?" </p><p>"No!" Victoria snapped, much louder and more aggressively than she meant to. Letting out a breath, she tried again. "Sorry. I just mean.... I hope not. My parents wouldn't be very supportive if the divorce went badly."</p><p>Dr. Kessler nodded, almost in rhythm with the scribbling of the pen. "So your relationship with your parents—"</p><p>"—Is a topic for another day, and surprisingly, not super related to why I'm here. At least not directly."</p><p>"Alright. So, you were starting divorce proceedings, were under this pressure for it to go well, went to this party, and just lost control? Is this a first-time thing, drinking that much?"</p><p>Victoria ducked her head to look at her lap, her hands balled into fists, fingernails fitting perfectly into the crescent moon scars lining her palm. ".... No. It's an old, bad habit. I went to a very competitive high school, and I used to do it at parties when things got too heavy. Just... Drink or smoke or snort until things didn't feel real at all. Seriously, I had to get my stomach pumped, like, monthly." </p><p>Dr. Kessler's stoic expression cracks almost imperceptibly, a wrinkle of concern deepening between his eyebrows, but it's gone when Victoria looks up as he speaks. "Did you carry that into adulthood? College and onward?" </p><p>"Oh, no way. Once I got into Yale—"</p><p>"Another high-stakes, stressful environment."</p><p>"—Yes," Victoria ground out through gritted teeth. "Once I got into Yale, I switched to just... casual drinking. You know, a nightly buzz. Nothing crazy. Nothing that impacted grades, or worried anybody." </p><p>"Mhm. Interesting." He scribbled some more, and closed a binder around the notepad. "I recommend the full thirty day stay. We can push it out to sixty, or ninety—" </p><p>"No! <em>No</em>." The pitch in Victoria's voice skyrocketed momentarily as she fought to remain calm, although the idea of staying here for three months felt like a legitimate prison sentence. "Thirty is fine. I can fix this—<em>You</em> can fix this—In thirty days."</p><p>Victoria felt the panic building in her, and Dr. Kessler appraised her with an expression that told her in no uncertain terms she was in deep shit. Dr Kessler stood, gesturing for Victoria to follow suit. "I'll see you in a few days for a more in-depth discussion. I look forward to working with you, Mrs.—"</p><p>"Ms. It's Ms. Chase." </p><p>"Ms. Chase." </p>
<hr/><p>By Day Thirty, Victoria had shaken any pipe dreams of leaving the facility in 30 days. The first few days were a blur of a hangover and a comedown, with nothing but Tylenol to treat it. Needless to say, Victoria had not been in the mood for some cult member-wannabe in a pressed white getup to wake her up at six in the morning for breakfast. Unfortunately, the woman seemed unfazed by the admittedly childish antics Victoria pulled, further aggravating her to the point that they just... Stopped. For a day or two, they let Victoria ride out her comedown, let her realize she couldn't throw her weight around to get what she wanted. By the first week she was begrudgingly attending yoga, as far away as she could get from the others, and by week two, despite withdrawals, she was much more willing to try. This could, possibly, be related to Kate promising she'd come to see her at the thirty day mark if she needed to stay longer. That alone was why Victoria was holding it together today, day forty-five nervously wringing her hands as she sat in Dr. Kessler's office. Dr. Kessler shut the door, turning to smile thinly at Victoria, something Victoria hadn't been sure he was able to even do until a week ago. </p><p>"How are you, today, Victoria?" He settled into his chair as he asked the question, watching Victoria carefully. </p><p>"I'm fin—" She bit the inside of her cheek, embarrassed she'd fucked up already. "I'm a little on edge. Okay, a lot. Kate's visiting—"</p><p>"The... Woman you came to for help with your separation? And... Who called the paramedics on your behalf, prompting your stay?" In response to a hesitant nod from Victoria, Dr. Kessler exhaled, a quiet woof of a noise. "That's an awful lot of pressure. How do you think it will go?" </p><p>"I don't know, and that's why I'm so freaked out. I can't... Control it." Victoria could feel pinpricks at the corners of her eyes, and she squeezed the edge of the seat, a deterrent Dr. Kessler had taught her to save her palms some grief. "What will she say? Will she even see any difference? Will she be disappointed in me for staying longer? What if it's not okay that I'm not better, and she just—"</p><p>"If she cares about you, and from what you've told me understands alcohol addiction herself, I doubt she'll react that way, Victoria." </p><p>It was Victoria's turn to exhale, bigger and weightier than Dr. Kessler's tenfold. "You're right. You're right. I actually have to cut this short to go see her, she's only here for a few hours, so—"</p><p>"Understood. Good luck, Victoria. Remember what we've talked about."</p><p>"Yep— Yeah. I will."</p>
<hr/><p>Even in the vast lobby of the center, Victoria finds Kate in seconds, far before she gets to her. Hilariously short, put together, and obviously, stunning, Kate stands out like a beacon of light. For a moment, Victoria pictures running to her, lifting her in her arms and spinning her. But that seems excessive, especially given she has no idea where they stand now. Victoria closes the distance as quickly as she can at a normal pace, lifting a hand to give an awkward wave. Once they're within an appropriate distance, Victoria smiles shyly at her. </p><p>"Um, hi." A burst of nervous giggles slips out, and Victoria claps a hand over her mouth, only making herself laugh more. When she can finally contain it, she clears her throat in an attempt to muster some dignity, arms crossed loosely over her chest. "How was Lynn's graduation from middle school? Sorry. For the laughing. I promise I'm not going crazy. I just... This feels like we started over all over again. Is—Is that wrong?"</p><p>"I.... Oh, um. The graduation was actually really nice. I saved you a program, but Lynn burned it when she found it, claiming she 'never wanted to speak of that hellhole again'. Kind of intense. You know." Kate giggled, smiling in spite of herself. "I wish you'd been there to see it, they all looked so small. But I'm proud of you for sticking this out. How has it been going?" </p><p>Victoria thinks of her first few days here, her face blanching, but she owes Kate a real answer. "It's been... Hard. Turns out a lot of my confidence was dependent on drugs and alcohol. Oh, and an eating disorder! That got an extra thirty days tacked on. But the divorce is... In the works. So that's something."</p><p>Kate's eyes are wide with concern as Victoria talks, feeling the pit in her gut grow every time Victoria mentions something that resonates with her. Despite how much she misses Victoria, all these things would've worn Kate down until she shattered, and Kate can't help the small rush of pride she feels that she managed to help both of them. Some kind of muscle memory twitches her hand, and she reaches for Victoria's hand as they walk to a table near a corner. As they walk, Kate responds, "That sounds like so much, but I'm so proud of  you. I'm sure it hasn't been easy, but you're doing it, and that's what matters." </p><p>"Oh, I was not always this chipper. Detoxing Victoria made High School Bully Victoria look like a purring kitten." Victoria laughed, but it died down, burning off into an awkward silence. Unable to hold off the question burning a hole in her tongue, Victoria blurted, "So what about us? What's... How do you feel about us?" </p><p>Kate blinked, bewildered. "I mean... You're going through something right now that's a lot bigger than either of us. A lot of somethings. I don't know, Victoria, how things will be when you get out, and I don't want to lie to you about something so big." </p><p>"Lie to me...?" Victoria's face fell, matching how her stomach dropped into her feet. "Do you not...? I mean I know it's been like a month, but are we, like, <em>done</em>?" </p><p>It was Kate's turn to go pale, followed quickly by her face flushing pink. "No! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to sound that way. I still like you, but I want to rebuild that with you once you're out of here. When we're on even turf, and can help each other."</p><p>"Oh." Victoria's throat went dry, her heart starting to race. She tried counting her breaths, but her chest kept getting tighter. She couldn't breathe this away. Whether she liked it or not, Kate had rejected her. "I—I see. That sounds... Fine." </p><p>Kate studied Victoria's expression, acutely aware she'd said the wrong thing. It was the right thing to do, and she wasn't wavering on it, but she could see in Victoria's reaction it wasn't what Victoria had hoped to hear. "I didn't mean to upset you, I just think setting boundaries is important. We kind of... Overstepped the last boundary we set, and I think this time we need to really do it." </p><p>".... Mhm." The noise pressed tightly in Victoria's mouth was nothing short of petulant, but she forced a smile that slowly became less plastic. "You're right. I'm sorry. I agree, I want to see where we're at when this is done. Unbelievably, I might actually be divorced by then. Turns out Roy isn't a fan of the idea of being married to a rehab'ed junkie, so he's suddenly very willing to sign the papers. Thank God."</p><p>"Good riddance, he doesn't know what he's missing." Kate smirked at Victoria, just a flash of a defiant expression, before it softened. "I'm incredibly proud of you, Victoria. You seem like you're really doing better. I can't wait to see how you're doing next time I see you—Hopefully, when I'm coming to pick you up!" </p><p>"Thanks, Kate. For everything. I had no idea how much I needed to be here." </p><p>"Of course, Victoria! I wasn'r just going to let you.." Kate stutters to a halt, her smile dimming as she struggles with her words. "I'm very glad you're okay."</p><p>Victoria's lips curled into a smile, and she laughed. "Yeah, me too. </p><p>For the next hour, the two women made small talk about things they'd done or experienced; Kate having to make an effort not to laugh when Victoria told her about the cruelty of being awoken so early for yoga, and Victoria threatening to fist fight Kate's supervisor for not giving her lead on a project. Eventually time was up, and Victoria stood to walk Kate to the door. At the door, Victoria went in for a hug, surprised at the rush of emotion she felt as she wrapped her arms around Kate. She shut her eyes, telling herself not to do something stupid like smell her hair or bury her face in Kate's shoulder, when she felt lips press against her cheek. She pulled back, bewildered, to see her expression almost mirrored on Kate's face before Kate's features shifted into something more bashful. </p><p>"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking, and I just—" Kate laughed, covering her mouth with her hands, the giggling dying down, muffled, until they dissipate and Kate can take a long, sobering breath. "It was just a reflex. Maybe that should reassure you of how I feel, hm?" </p><p>"Uh, yeah, I think that's pretty telling, Kate." Victoria snickered, her confidence bolstered by Kate being the one to crack. "Hopefully that gets you through the next forty-five days." </p><p>"Oh, shut up, you're so smug!" </p><p>"I mean, can you blame me?" </p><p>Kate rolled her eyes, lightly smacking Victoria on the arm. "I have to get going. I'll tell Lynn you said hello. See you soon?" </p><p>"See you soon, Kate." Victoria smiled, watching Kate walk to the car, under her breath mumbling, "Miss you."</p>
<hr/><p>The next forty-five days were a blur of progress and backsliding, hard work, and, to Victoria's horror, tears. When Dr. Kessler heard this, he had smiled, and asked, "Do you want a medal? Victoria, I hate to tell you this, but most people cry in group therapy on one of their first sessions. But, all jokes aside, I am very proud of you. </p><p>Of course, she'd given him a look that could kill. </p><p>Day forty-four seemed to crawl by, with Victoria fighting a losing battle trying to get to sleep. The next morning, at her last session with Dr. Kessler, she was so distracted she barely answered his question, and when she was notified that Kate was on her way, had to do everything in her power to stop from jumping up and down like a schoolgirl. The next hour crawled by at a glacial pace, Victoria checking the time at least two times a minute. She was mid-check out when someone tapped on her shoulder and she turned, seeing Kate. Perhaps it was her adrenaline, perhaps it was that it had been a full forty-five days, but Kate looked ethereal, in a flowing skirt and her hair waving down over over her shoulders, catching the sunlight. Victoria crushed her in a hug she tried to keep brief enough to be called platonic, and squeezed her shoulders when she pulled back. "I missed you! I can't wait for you to tell me everything you've been up to!" </p><p>"I missed you too! And surprisingly, not much? Just work stuff, but some NDAs say I can't specify." Kate shoots Victoria gleeful, smug look, and Victoria's jaw drops. </p><p>"Oh my God! It must be something huge! Kate, that's so awesome!" </p><p>"It is! I'm so excited, and I can't wait to get to tell you all about it!"</p><p>Dr. Kessler approached as Victoria finished signing things off, and shook Victoria's hand. "Good luck, Victoria. We'll talk in a week, but please call me if anything... Happens before then." </p><p>"Will do, thanks Dr. Kessler." Victoria smiled, giving him a nod and taking the booklet he handed her, flipping through it to see tips, exercises, and helpline numbers. "See you in a week." </p><p>The drive home consisted of laughter and chatter and loud, off-key singing on Victoria's part until a comfortable silence fell on the two of them. After a few minutes of Victoria watching the ocean whir by, she shifted to brace her elbow, leaning her head on her hand, and looked at Kate. "You know, I think I want to open my own gallery. Do business and art."</p><p>"Oh, Victoria! That's wonderful—"</p><p>Victoria's ringing phone interrupted their conversation, Victoria hitting accept without looking at the caller. </p><p>"Victoria, I need you to come into my office."</p><p>Hearing her attorney's voice, and his tone, Victoria froze in place, her heartrate skyrocketing. "What? Why? Didn't he sign the papers? Isn't this done?" </p><p>"We thought so. But it turns out he's been holding onto them. And unfortunately, he's decided to place you at-fault for the divorce due to... Your substance abuse. With your early... antics... when withdrawing all his money as proof of withholding finances 'during proceedings'." </p><p>Victoria inhaled sharply. "Fucking really? What about my pictures?" </p><p>"Well..." The voice on the other line sighs. "You didn't report. He's arguing they could be self-inflicted." </p><p>Victoria bit the edge of her tongue, looking over at Kate. "So what happens now?" </p><p>"Come meet with me, and we'll get a plan together. This isn't over yet, Victoria."  </p>
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